A Brief Moment of Relapse

A Brief Moment of Relapse

By: Ethan West

Make silent the bleeding heart of mine

Wherein my mind's eye you rest

While watching my heart I became myself blind

To all but the beating within my own chest

But within crushing blow my heart stands alone

In fickle fury I all but can't hear

And like a king that's thrown away from his throne

My sorrowful soul has grown ever near

It cries out to me, it yearns to be heard

Cries out to the blackness within my own chest

It wishes free air, like a caged, helpless bird

It wishes to feel, and be put to the test

But alas alas I am stranger to fate

Resistance to love is all that I know

And as I succumb to this broken state

I smile, as this is the end of my poem

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Reviews

[Lizbeth]

Another lovely poem! I just loved the subtelty of the last line, that kindof gives the reader a feeling of relief that not all was dark and gloomy ... :)

Would just like to see less capital letters at the beginning of sentences and a bit more punctuation, perhaps?
Loved the use of the words "alas, alas" (maybe a comma between? which underlines the accenturates the helplessness of this love story.
In that same line, think that should be "a stranger."

Great poem, thanks for sharing,
Lizbeth

[ewest1220]

Another good point. I think I meant to type "a stranger" I'll fix it ASAP thanks again for your input Lizbeth it's always a pleasure!

[TheJordBaker]

very powerful, and a cheeky ending too, completely changes the mood. great twist I wasn't expecting. more top work!!

[ewest1220]

This was the first work I've written that had that kind of ending so I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks again for reading!

[Coyote Poetry]

"It wishes free air, like a caged, helpless bird
It wishes to feel, and be put to the test"
Fate is a hard enemy. Some of us are doomed to failure or running toward something we don't need. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[ewest1220]

Once again I'm thrilled you liked my work!

[Timeless-Chan]

i like the reference to the king being thrown from this throne:) it gives me a sense of just what it feel like (not that i was ever thrown away from my throne... or a king... but you get what i mean:P)

[ewest1220]

lol I do get it :) I'm glad you liked it!

[Tai Ryens]

I simply love the phrasing you used in this, but I do feel rather . . . how to put, bothered by it. It kind of killed the vibe of the poem in my opinion, being that it is the only part that refers to something other than the main concept of the poem. Despite that (me and my stupid opinions), great job!

[ewest1220]

lol killing the vibe was my intention. My sense of humor got the better of me.

[Admiral Kirk]

Great wording, great rhymes, great ending. Good job, I enjoyed this poem.

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[Melody]

I enjoyed reading this very much, as usual. Lol. The ending made me smile as well, it actually made me laugh because I wasn't sure what to expect to be the last line. Lol. Enjoyable poem.

[ewest1220]

Again I'm thrilled you liked it :) If you have any other works I haven't seen send them my way I love reading them

[Melody]

:) Okay.

[L0v3craft]

The ending made me smile!

A tad tongue-in-cheek if you ask me :]

I love how the entire poem is dark and melancholic, but then ends so lightly...leaving the reader dazed. Lovely~

[ewest1220]

"Tongue in cheek." I like that. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

[Brandon Mathis]

very good poem i love how you end it also

[ewest1220]

Thank you. I wanted to be a little sarcastic with the ending. Glad you liked it!

[Brandon Mathis]

I've enjoyed all of you're writing

[ewest1220]

lol thanks man! Hey check out A Figure in the Night. It's a short story but I think you'll like it.

[ewest1220]

Very dark though just to warn ya