A Brief Moment of Relapse

A Brief Moment of Relapse

By: Ethan West

Make silent the bleeding heart of mine

Wherein my mind's eye you rest

While watching my heart I became myself blind

To all but the beating within my own chest

But within crushing blow my heart stands alone

In fickle fury I all but can't hear

And like a king that's thrown away from his throne

My sorrowful soul has grown ever near

It cries out to me, it yearns to be heard

Cries out to the blackness within my own chest

It wishes free air, like a caged, helpless bird

It wishes to feel, and be put to the test

But alas alas I am stranger to fate

Resistance to love is all that I know

And as I succumb to this broken state

I smile, as this is the end of my poem

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Reviews

[Lizbeth]

Another lovely poem! I just loved the subtelty of the last line, that kindof gives the reader a feeling of relief that not all was dark and gloomy ... :)

Would just like to see less capital letters at the beginning of sentences and a bit more punctuation, perhaps?
Loved the use of the words "alas, alas" (maybe a comma between? which underlines the accenturates the helplessness of this love story.
In that same line, think that should be "a stranger."

Great poem, thanks for sharing,
Lizbeth

[ewest1220]

Another good point. I think I meant to type "a stranger" I'll fix it ASAP thanks again for your input Lizbeth it's always a pleasure!

[emilythestrange]

Wonderful

[ewest1220]

Thanks! :)

[Kaela]

Wow. Felt this way often. Well-done. I like the meter!

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[Rox Bain ☮]

"It wishes free air, like a caged, helpless bird
It wishes to feel, and be put to the test"
I love these lines :)

This poem seems very real... the imagery and your word choice is perfect.
Well done!

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I always love hearing what you think I'm thrilled you enjoyed my work!

[Rox Bain ☮]

You're welcome :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

The guiding element of tingling elements never leave the reader for a moment!

[ewest1220]

Thanks! Very interesting way to describe this I'm thrilled you liked it! Thanks for reading!

[Kianna L. Bearden]

wow, just wow no words.....

[ewest1220]

lol I hope that that's good :)

[Kianna L. Bearden]

yeah that's good! ;)

[Cosmic kid]

I love of this poem is just screaming with emotional good job :)

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[J. F. Charleston]

Emotion is something this definately has. I like how it's that way.

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[Androglossia]

Did I sense self-denial in there? What can I say? This has been our common defense and has been considered by almost every nation, from the remotest ages, as the highest exaltation of human virtue. But is it human virtue? Or could it be ego?

Your poem speaks of your inner feelings. Feelings you forcefully nurtured. I love the way you use the classical form of language. It made it easy to form an interpretation at the desired level of specificity.

Great work:)

[ewest1220]

Thank you for the very detailed review! It's always a pleasure to hear from you and I'm thrilled you liked my work! Thanks for reading!