Broken Rain

Broken Rain 

By: Ethan West

I am not like you

A battered bridge for others use

I am not like me

The man who fell down on his knees

A broken heart tied up with thread

Left scars of silence in it's tread

And even now my thought does cease

As tired mind attempts to ease

My sorrows right here ending my pain

Like a rusted rain jacket to fend off the rain

But rust as rust will, will crumble and fall

And drenched in my tears I'll desperately crawl

Away from the blood that broken heart leaks

Away from the pain that broken mind seeks

My pain has a way of being around

To beat me to death as I fall to the ground

The rain and the blood from broken heart patched

Like nothing I've seen, my spirit has crashed

It leaves me like this, away from my health

What was in my heart is now in my self

I lifted my head and she was above

Her face bore the grace of a beautiful dove

She beat me to death on that beautiful plain

My tears and my blood serenading the rain

My tears and my blood will fill me again

My tears and my blood will fill me again

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appriciated

Reviews

[Timeless-Chan]

wow i'm awestruck by the pure emotion and expression that this piece holds. the battle that the narrator goes through is just pure sorrow and pain. and the last lines just seem to pull the piece together perfectly. I love the line "My tears and my blood serenading the rain" it's both beautiful and heartbreaking.
Bravo:)

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm thrilled you like it!

[Donald Cole]

this is cool, well developed thoughts that capture the emotion you convey.
nice write.....

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[Lizbeth]

I really enjoyed this beautiful poem, full of emotional imagery.
Especially liked the lines:
"I am not like you
A battered bridge for others use" to which I could easily relate.
My only comment might be to have some lines without capitals at the beginning and maybe some punctuation. But on the other hand, perhaps that would slow the pace down?
Thanks for sharing
Lizbeth

[ewest1220]

Weird the comment didn't show. Bummer. Hopefully it'll come back but just in case I wanted to thank you for reading my work!

[Lizbeth]

A pleasure.

[Ama May Cooper]

Brilliant flow im a littel unsure if the repetetion adds or take away in the final line.
Strong imagery , you are a rather articulated indavdual and your work speaks volumes about your general vocabulary.
The images that litter this piece are powerful adn deep , the sorrow of your protagonist is folding out of your words , i actuallly feel pain for the protagonist here each emotional and well it is very emotional its like a direct image of the emotions involved itself.
Loved it

[ewest1220]

Wow thank you so much the the detailed review. I thought about removing the repetition but it sounds really weird without it (try reading it out lout, it's like. And then?) but anyways I'm thrilled you liked it and it's always a pleasure to hear your opinion! Thanks for reading!

[Ama May Cooper]

Reading it aloud i retract my previous statement, it seems to add an even more deep and prolonged affect.

[ewest1220]

Isn't that weird? Ah well I'm thrilled you enjoyed my work thank you for reading!

[Ama May Cooper]

Yes , its very strange. But interesting ive never considered reading it aloud to have any effect on how it would sound.. but with this piece of work it adds volumes to an already good piece of work

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[F.P. Chat]

Well, the more I read from you the more I enjoy it.
I liked the below lines...too much!
My pain has a way of being around
To beat me to death as I fall to the ground

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

[Archia]

I'm a bit confused now but I still really enjoyed it. I just don't understand what happened at the end. Was it like a longing for a beautiful woman who didn't share the feelings? That's what I get on second thoughts. I still enjoyd reading this so much, the rhyme was so great and the flow to it even set the mood. When I noticed that the last line was repeated I didn't think it would go well, but when I read it, it really worked. It's like with it just once it's not quite an end, but with the second it's reinforced and ends on the right note. Great poem.

[ewest1220]

Thanks I'm glad you liked it! Thank you so much for reading! As far as the meaning goes it is whatever you make it to be ;)

[Crimson Bayonet]

Breath-taking man....Just breath-taking...

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it!

[MOON]

The first five lines so poignant beautiful and heartfelt.this is intense without being bleak if that makes sense. She beat me to death on that beautiful plain, striking.

[ewest1220]

Thank you for the very detailed review! I'm really quite thrilled you enjoyed my work thank you so much for reading!

[Thomas Reilly Thornhill]

ah I've read this one already and thought it was very good. You seem to be very talented keep it up :)

[ewest1220]

Thanks! Sorry about the read request they get sent in bundles so a couple may be redundant lol I'm glad you liked it thanks for reading!

[Thomas Reilly Thornhill]

No problem :)

[Tattered Teddy]

Sounds like song lyrics, very lovely. I really relate to the lines:
"I am not like you
A battered bridge for others use
I am not like me
The man who fell down on his knees"

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it thanks for reading!

[Rox Bain ☮]

I adore this verse... it is so beautiful:
"I am not like you
A battered bridge for others use
I am not like me
The man who fell down on his knees"
It's so emotional and so deep... that I couldn't help but read it three or four times...

These lines:
"Away from the blood that broken heart leaks
Away from the pain that broken mind seeks"
Are very chilling... they actually sent shivers up my spine... (and not many poets can do that)

Again, I loved this, you really are very talented

[ewest1220]

Again, thank you so much for the very thoughtful review! I'm really excited that you enjoyed my work and I'm honored that you enjoyed it! Thanks again!