Broken Rain

Broken Rain 

By: Ethan West

I am not like you

A battered bridge for others use

I am not like me

The man who fell down on his knees

A broken heart tied up with thread

Left scars of silence in it's tread

And even now my thought does cease

As tired mind attempts to ease

My sorrows right here ending my pain

Like a rusted rain jacket to fend off the rain

But rust as rust will, will crumble and fall

And drenched in my tears I'll desperately crawl

Away from the blood that broken heart leaks

Away from the pain that broken mind seeks

My pain has a way of being around

To beat me to death as I fall to the ground

The rain and the blood from broken heart patched

Like nothing I've seen, my spirit has crashed

It leaves me like this, away from my health

What was in my heart is now in my self

I lifted my head and she was above

Her face bore the grace of a beautiful dove

She beat me to death on that beautiful plain

My tears and my blood serenading the rain

My tears and my blood will fill me again

My tears and my blood will fill me again

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appriciated

Reviews

[Timeless-Chan]

wow i'm awestruck by the pure emotion and expression that this piece holds. the battle that the narrator goes through is just pure sorrow and pain. and the last lines just seem to pull the piece together perfectly. I love the line "My tears and my blood serenading the rain" it's both beautiful and heartbreaking.
Bravo:)

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm thrilled you like it!

[B]

Wow

This is amazing
The growth out and into pain
The fight
The refusal of pain
The strength through weakness

Amazing

[ewest1220]

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!

[Coyote Poetry]

I felt the struggle in your thoughts. You made the reader believe every words. The language used. Amazing. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[~]

Oh my.. where to begin?

The imagery is immaculate, personifications, similes, and metaphors loud and clear.

I cannot pick what verse touched me the most, but if I had to choose, I think, I would definitely pick one simile: Like a rusted rain jacket to fend off the rain -- that smell and metallic taste of rust, and the drenching wetness of rain did it for me.

Wow.. :D

[Lyric]

Wow, I felt something, It was like you were reading it to me because the emotion was just, so pure. Very good jog, amazing job.

[Tumara Hall]

What a wonderful piece. Very artistic!

[Bridgette's Ink]

You are incredible at engaging the reader and really making us experience that pain, as if we were you. It's very intense, but at the same time enchanting and beautiful. Amazing piece of work here.

[styxfan]

This is great.

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[Marissa]

this is really great I loved it.

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[emmajoy]

'A broken heart tied up with thread; - so fragile.

Your poem travels word for word like a time bomb ready to explode, emotions shot to pieces as if under attack. I'm not sure what to say next, i think there's hope to be had but i wonder at the scars.. perhaps they'll be proof that you've come through. Better and gentler times to come. We all pray for that. Your post is a beautiful sadness.

[ewest1220]

Eh I wonder about the scars at times as well. However scars will fade given enough time. Either way I'm really thrilled you enjoyed this thank you so much for reading!