The Legacy of Mitshui by Ewerton Faverzani

Fantastic Stories.

Constribuetit, pretty and powerful young, heiress of a great enterprise empire, deferred payment in the great metropolis, known as Acróppe Crystal, futurista city, with more than eighteen billion inhabitants and considered the financial and administrative center of the unified world.
At this time the human beings cultivated the same customs, the same culture and race that if had miscigenado completely, not existing different countries as at last times. They said language the same and if they communicated through Chips of data implanted in its brains before completing three years of age. In this Chips the referring information received all history from our civilization to gain time and to continue the evolution.
In full century LX, Constribuetit, if prepared to take off vacation of seven days. In this passage that must have obligator stopping in the new east, in the futurológica city of Vitral Miters, constructed in tower form on the Arcádeon ocean. In this monumental city, great mega-entrepreneurs took off its vacation, and remained themselves frozen during the seven days to rest.
The folloied young of the fiancé which kept relation the seven years and of a great friend of infancy and two copilots had embarked in the particular ship of the entrepreneur route the Vitral Miters.
During the passage the ship seemed stranger, perceived its fiancé, what at that moment already it was late to take any step. E it had reason, the moved propellant the Nitrion, responsible nuclear fuel for becoming the fast trip why it breached the speed of the sound, it was damaged since the last carried through maneuver.
Thus, the ship gave pane lacking only eight hundred and forty and seven miles for its final destination, come to fall in a virgin island. In the disaster, nobody had only survived Constribuetit, its friend during the fall had protected it. The terrified fiancé tried to save itself very jumping before the ship falling. Account is not given that for if dealing with a ship of last generation and in high speed, does not get success some. The copilots had tried a landing that brightened up the fall, had obtained, but they had not survived.
Constribuetit suffers some deep injuries in its skin. She is fainted during seven days, in full native bush. During these days it are mysteriously taken for a cave hidden for immense cataracts of blue color neon.
When waking up, it perceived that its head ached, as well as its arms and legs. She also perceived that she receives treatment, its wounds met sewn and treated, and sighted a slap-up meal of fruits, wild mushrooms, and a great cut, baked kangaroo and tempered soon to be encestado.
Constribuetit is fed, after it cries out and it does not sight nobody. Sleep came with the digestion and novemante rested.
In the following morning it opens the eyes and it are there that it sighted an old one hidden for an immense mantle and a pointed hood that the face covered. It only saw the fosforescentes yellow eyes of its face hidden in the penumbra below of the pointed hood. It is with fear, but this is passing slowly when it perceives that she was being well well-taken care of.
Seven months if had passed and pregnant Constribuetit of the mysterious inhabitant of the island gives the light to a child.
When give birth, it dies, exactly with the aid of loving its, the childbirth is very painful and finishes not resisting.
The mysterious inhabitant was the Mitshui master, happened of old Japanese origins. The centuries he looked an uninhabited place, in order to cultivate its powers of mago, and to wait the prophecy to make its part.
This gives it a son and this called it Alcatéll, which would be trained to develop superior abilities and to all concentrate the power that its father, Mitshui would bequeath it before leaving. Mitshui with its four hundred and seventy and nine years was very old and its oracle informs it of the hour where it would go to leave.
Lacking to six minutes it now full moon to avenge, the scholar mago gives to its son its sacred medallion, passed of generation the generation to the new masters, all in massive gold and with a great rock of lilac color to the center.
When placing the medallion, Alcatéll, are mysteriously changedded into adult man. The mantle of the master will fall to the soil with the wind. Mitshui had left as it was written in the prophecy.
Alcatéll meditou per seven weeks, practised the inherited teachings of the father. It looked the ship that had fallen and brought its mother. It finds it all damaged. With its powers it makes it to function. One remembers its mother at this moment. It cried very, nothing could make, therefore nor the greater to be able of the world could give life to any dear being. This age really a indecifrável formula. Before leaving, it was to the cave and it was prostrou next to sarcófago to its mother leading I obtain a pretty rose blue-ocean, it cried again, it prayed in rhythm of deep it settles, it gave stocking it comes back, it entered in the ship, now already remade and left. Its destination: the Acróppe Crystal, where it would inherit the great empire that its mother leaves it.

Reviews

[bailish]

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/E.Faverzani/216383/

This is the first science fiction piece I've caught here. It's also the first piece written in Japanese cultural style.
And it is certainly the first piece of Japanese science fiction I have ever read anywhere.

Very interesting. Many parts were difficult to understand because of grammar or language mistakes, but for someone who's willing to make an effort, there is a lot of content here.

One thing you might consider in a rewrite is to add some conversation. Show the people actually talking to each other. What do they say. In this form, the reader cannot get close to the characters.