The Arrogant Mouth

an imaginative story prompted by something ancient and by something in current events

Once upon a time, in another dimension, there was a mouth who was arrogant.  This mouth bragged endlessly about itself, while deprecating its colleagues, one in particular.  The arrogant mouth claimed it was the most important part of the body, for its complexity, its versatility.

"I am the northern frontal orifice," the mouth said, "and I can do so many things.  I am essential to eating and drinking," said the mouth.  "I am involved in breathing.  I am central to kissing.  I can talk, I can articulate words,   I can sing.  I can speak the most beautiful prayers."

"And what can you do, A*****e?" the mouth demanded of its colleague, the lower dorsal orifice.  "You can do but one thing," said the mouth.  "You can unload a pile of solid waste material, and some gas.  And that's all you can do.  You're a s**t hole orifice.  What sounds can you make?"

The mouth imitated the a*****e's sounds:  pooop, pooop, poooooop, pooop.  "That's it," accused the mouth, "Just one coarse sound in variation."

"Whereas I can make so many sounds.  I am eloquent," bragged the mouth.

The a*****e and several other body parts were all annoyed, but what could they do?  The a*****e tried to protest but the only sound that came out was a razzing pooop sound.   I am so inarticulate, thought the a*****e.

The whole body felt upset.  Then God, the creator, felt concern and sent a piece of Herself to the body in question to be present beside the a*****e and assist its communication. 

This mysterious representative spoke clearly.  "God created all things, including this body with its many parts.  All the parts must work together, kindly and co-operatively, for the good of the whole.  

The voice continued.  "The a*****e is essential to the functioning of the body.  The elimination of waste material is crucial to the body's health.  If one of its tubes and tubes were to become blocked, were one of its valves and valves to become stuck, you could no longer stand before your creator and speak your eloquent prayers. 

"Remember that, mouth," said the voice.  "Show some appreciation," said the voice and then disappeared.

The mouth was thoughtful and repentant and never deprecated the a*****e again.