Waiting

Sunburn is the bain of my existence and I thought I would justify the reasoning in a poem

Yesterday the flower blossomed 
when the heat pounded the rose. 
The birds chirped, whistling. 
Ten ugly toes. 
The shining star sneaking across the sky; 
its aim clearly burning, 
As you lay and think the time has come 
for an effort filled turning, 
The shade now seems a nice retreat, 
The floor to hot for delicate feet, 
Bound to relaxing in such a place; 
torturous, the sun as a guard, 
Unlikely was the escape 
from my own backyard.

Reviews

[bobc]

TH...I can empathize...my feet, for whatever reason, are the most prone to sunburn as well! Judicious use of rhyme in this one...I liked that. Overall, this one made me smile in the reading.

But I have two things I can comment on for you. First, was a change in verb tense in the third line...'The birds chirped, whistling.'. Wouldn't that be 'Birds chirped, whistled'? (Actually, the tense of the poem seemed to change from past to present at that point. Was that deliberate?) And the second was 'The floor to hot for delicate feet,'...you meant 'The floor too hot for delicate feet,'...yes?

Thanx for posting...bobc

[Tumara Hall]

Your absolutely correct about the changing tense throughout the poem!!! Thank you for pointing that out :) And that bloody too again!! Everything gets away on me in that aspect. Thanks so much for your constructive feedback. I highly appreciate it! :)

[Scott Metro]

Very refreshing.....light, airy a pleasure to read.

Scott

[Chris]

somehow the books and movies seldom discuss sun-blockers as they picture "paradise".

[Cryingkate]

Chris Sunblock lotions are very poisonous ... Skin cancer,,,,,

[Chris]

Didn't know that one... seems everything is out to "get" us.