Sleeping beauty in front of my eyes..
Sprinkled hairs over there..
Gently touched,
To clear your forehead..
and kissing you,
by keeping my eyes closed..
Oh! Look at your eyes..
Deep insight, lost in dreams..
I gently pushed UP myself..
and touched your eyes, by my lips..
Suddenly, you breath
and a look to your nose..
cuddling your nose by mine,
smiles n thinks that
He is mine & my Life..
Nice flow of thoughts leading to the very good ending. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I perfect ending to the poem. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thanks Coyote for praising my work :) and thanks for being around
This is a fine write about a touching moment! It has a beautiful feel to it. Two quick notes... One, 'you breath' might be 'you breathe' And two, a reminder that cutting words short (like n for and) can interrupt the rhythm of a line by making the reader think just a little too much, especially if they are older. The 'n' also has no sound and poetry is nothing if not about sound. If you do need to shorten for meter (a time honored poetic device), you might use words that can be truncated with an apostrophe (like 'til for until), but try to avoid the shortcuts often used in texting... :)
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thanks JKB I followed the rules you said. I forget here as its my older write. Thanks for the words .. read moreThanks JKB I followed the rules you said. I forget here as its my older write. Thanks for the words and I will amend here too :)
10 Years Ago
It's just a little-bitty thing, really... You are doing just fine!