I Don't Want to Talk to You, Because I Don't Want to Use You

I'm not the same.

Because it is two in the morning. I don't want to talk to you because I don't want to use you. Nobody, we all know that nobody wants to hear someone else's s**t. Life is too short to be having to hear another's problems all the time. That's why nobody really gives a f**k.

 I don't want to use you, that's why I don't talk to you. I don't know what to believe in anymore, I just know I want to believe in something. It's all gone, all inspiration, motivation, spirituality is vital to life. It's gone? Where's mine? It's lost. The evil of this world consumed it and it vanished, vanished in a black hole. My evil. I wish I was at least evil. Well, no, but you know, the word evil is a word of spirit. There is no spirit in me. I feel empty. I know now that that's what's missing, but how do you bring something that doesn't exist back? I have to know that there is something more to this life. Why is it that we always, always want more? Is it a human thing? We can never be content with what we have, rich or poor. I know too much. Why can I see these things? I want to see more, something different, something..out of this world? Is that so wrong?

 I need a big, big sign, no more coincidences. Coincidences are for losers. They're just coincidences and nothing more. They have no meaning. I don't need a coincidence, I need a SIGN!!! A big one, in-my-face, physical sign. In-my-face, physical. I need to see it, feel it. I need to know that it's REAL. It will be my inspiration. Is this bad? Yes. It's asking, its testing. I'm not supposed to test. How do I do this? HE doesn't want me. Nobody wants me now? I'm just a big reject now, huh?

See, that's your problem, you always choose the crazy ones. You're not crazy after all, you're probably just sick, that's why it never works. You can't mix crazy and sick, you gotta make a pair. CRAZY, CRAZY. I thought that that's what we were. You said you knew my kind. You were bullshitting, huh? At the movies when you said you knew I was crazy? You were just saying that. It takes one to know one, but you were just bullshitting. It was a coincidence. That's all and coincidences mean nothing. I liked you. I wanted you for me, but we weren't that much alike, were we? Hmmm... That's why it didn't work out. We're both sick, but in different ways. I don't think mine has a remedy though. I don't think I believe in remedies, it's all bullcrap. It's all schemes to get money. Like you said, huh? We just hurt eachother, if there's doubt, then it's wrong. There's doubt on my part, a lot. It' wrong. That's why I can't talk to you, although I have this stupid, lying feeling that tells me that you would understand, but its wrong. Its lying. That feeling only wants to bring us both down. When we need to climb, we need to escalate.

I don't talk to you because I don't want to use you. I wonder if you, just wanted to use me too, but you just didn't know it cuz you were on drugs. That's why you escape to fantasy. You know too much, seen too much. I know too much. You know how things are, so you escape it. It makes you feel better, less alone, ashamed, and anxious, but with it, you at least don't feel so alone, that's why you do it, besides that, you're already addicted. I need to find healthier ways to escape, though. That will be my therapy, but first I need to know there's more. There has to be more.

Author's Note

I have a more positive outlook on life now, but the thoughts still lie deep within, they will come out to play from time to time, and it drives me insane!

Reviews

[nighttimesnoozer]

awww eve~!!!!!!!! :D