Wave the White Flag, Get Fucked

April 2nd 1:37 AM

I see myself digging my own grave. This is such a big risk. I (buzzing of my phone. It's him. He said "k.") That's all because he doesn't remember. He can't think straight. I can see the future. I see where this is going. Since taking the bite out of the apple of the Garden of Eden, I'm not so dumb, but something about him...makes me vulnerable...It hasn't been very long and I can hear my heart, already starting to crack...ALREADY. I see the future and it hurts. So much, I can feel it crack...ALREADY.. It was one of the coolest conversations, but that day, I gave it up, I waved the white flag, surrendering my heart, exposing myself. Mood: extremely intense. I can't contain it. Why? Should I do the smart thing? This is really getting out of hand. I feel so much fear. He doesn't, because he's high (I'm adopting his habits already). His perspective is in the clouds. The substances blind him and make him feel good. And I sit here and see the future and I hurt myself and he just called and he doesn't understand. So back to square one, where no one understands. What did I get myself into? I'm digging my own grave, I'm telling you! And I'm supposed to be going on a trip today. We leave at 4 AM. Look what he's doing to me! Look what I'm getting myself into! I'm supposed to be excited about this. I'm supposed to be running around packing and thinking of all the fun and getting pretty and I'm just sitting here writing about him. Will he ever understand? Probably not and there goes my heart. Its gonna die. What the heyl do I do?....