Dream Log #2: February 1, 2010

A Story by Ella Emergency

This was the dream I had last night. So glad my honey is who he is :D

The minute John (ex #1) showed up, i was nervous.

I had been at my aunt's house, with my aunt, uncle, parents, siblings, and cousin when he showed up with our mutual friend.

"I want to try to make this work. I want to see if the distance has made it possible for us to be together." he said, "I want to try."

We were talking, talking in the kitchen, and started arguing after we began to disagree. Suddenly we were yelling at each other about our relationship problems, about what went wrong and who's fault it all was.

We calmed down, and he took me to dinner. He told me I should buy him flowers and I thought he was joking, so I laughed. But he wasn't joking, and then he was yelling at me all over again.

Somehow, we ended up laying at the foot of the bed that my mom and my sister were in with our friend. He kept grabbing my butt, so I took us all downstairs where my cousin was.

As I spent more time with John, I became nervous about spending so much time with him because I remembered I had a boyfriend. I thought about how jealous and mad he would be, but when I thought about my boyfriend, it was Shaun (ex #2), who was not scary at all to me, and I was confused about why I was scared to tell him.

It was at that point that I became aware there was a huge hole in my life. I felt like I was missing something huge, some noticeable presence that just wasn't around. I was searching for something that I wasn't sure was even real, let alone even what it was I was looking for. I was lost, running in circles trying to find what left a hole in my heart.

I think I might have cried in my dream, but I'm not entirely sure.

When I woke up, I expected to see Shaun next to me, but was surprised to see a burly, hairy, asian man, snoring in my bed. As the dream registered as a dream, I realized it was Robert, my boyfriend, the protective man I was sharing my life with. I understood why I was scared about telling my boyfriend about a guy from my past spending time with me, and why I felt like something important was AWOL. It was him not existing in my dream that made me feel so empty and awkward.

I didn't realize before how glad I am that he's aorund. :D