VIII. Afraid

It’s the 23rd of August, I didn’t expect that these announcements would come easy.

“ Okay, class.” Mr. Howard said. “ Settle down. On the upcoming September 14, This school will have the yearly love festival. If you’re interested, you can buy the tickets, I am one of those who sell those. The love festival is entitled “True Love” I hope you’ll all guys made it there.” After he said those words, he went back to his boring teachings. Sigh.

My eyes flickered to Alex. I wondered who’d he ask. My classes went by smoothly, I got an injury in volleyball, just a sprain. I was advised not to drive for at least a week. Sigh.

“ Hey. Are you okay?” Alex asked.

“ Uhm, yeah.” I was careful to look at him, especially about what happened last night.

“ Okay.” He asked. “By the way, This is my friend, Jamie. Anyways, we have to go. Bye.”

I didn’t reply. What’s with him avoiding me? It seems like he was too hesitant to even make the conversation longer. Dad and Mom fetched me, Mom drove my car, while I was riding on Dad’s car.

“ What happened to you?” Dad asked. He was shocked. I was very immune to accidents nowadays.

“ I was too careless, I fell and hit this stupid arm pretty hard.” I said.

“ You never got injuries when you’re high school.” He sighed. “I think something or someone’s disturbing you. Am I correct?”

“ Ugh. Why are you so good with these things.” I moaned.

He chuckled. “I’m your father. I mean, when your mom left for 4 months to handle our business in Europe, we got really close. You are my daughter, I know everything about you.”

“ Alex won’t talk to me. He won’t talk to me like he used to. I mean, I have friends, and he has too. He seemed hesitant as he said goodbye.” I complained.

“ You’re overthinking things, Angelie.” He laughed.

“ Don’t laugh at me.” I pouted.

-

As we arrived on our house, Mom eyed me.

“ Someone’s waiting for you. Garden.” She smiled.

“ What? Who?”

“ Well, see for yourself.” She winked at me.

I took slow but surely steps, too coward to even know who’s visiting me.

“ Hey.” He greeted. It was Alex. He was holding a one piece stem rose, he stood up and gently walked towards me. I could feel my heartbeat getting faster as he walked towards me. He handed me the rose, and I didn’t know what to say.

“ Angelie.” He sighed. He held my hand and placed it in his chest.  “ I want you to know that.. I like you, and I tried to avoid you, but I failed. It seems like every time I try to remove you from my thoughts, you come rushing back in.”

“ Alex, you have no idea what you’re saying.” I said.

“ I know what I’m saying. It might seem crazy to you, but Angelie, look at me.” He placed my face in his hands. “ Look into my eyes, then you’ll know what I’m saying is true.”

“ Alex, we’re just friends.. I mean, you and me..” I stopped. “ Alex, I don’t want to lose you as my friend. I want you as a friend.”

As I’ve said those words, I felt the sudden change in his face. His face fell, like I said something terrible.

“ I’m sorry.” I apologized. “ I’m not ready, Alex. You know what happened. It’s not that easy to forget. But we’ll stay friends.”

He tried to force a smile. “ Yes.”

He closed his eyes for a minute and then he let go of my face and he walked away. I stood and watched him as he slowly drifted away from me, and I felt a spasm of hurt in my heart. What am I doing?  Why am I pushing him away? I already explained this nonsense to my heart. I stared at the one stem rose he gave me, he left a note.

You don’t know how hard it is for me to tell you how much you occupy the thoughts in my head, how you left me speechless every time you say my name, how you make my day, and why I can’t see any other girls whenever I’m with you. Angelie, I like you. So much.. that sometimes I don’t even understand myself.

Alex.

Speechless. I don’t even understand myself for having the urge to run after him and tell him that maybe we could give each other a chance.

I dialed Monique’s number, after the first ring, she immediately answered.

“ Angelie? What happened? Are you okay? How’s your arm? Why did you call?”

I didn’t realize I was crying until I began to speak. “ Alex..”

“ Alex? What about Alex? Hey, are you okay?”

“ I think.. I have hurt his feelings.. when I said I wanted us to stay friends.”

“ Why would you say that.. when you told me you like Alex? When you told me you like him so much? Why didn’t you go after him, Angelie?”

“ I don’t know, I don’t know what to do anymore.” I sighed and continued crying.

She sighed and paused then began talking. “ You will never find the right one if you don’t let go of the wrong one. You deserve to be happy, Angelie. Vince is part of your past now, He made it clear in your dream that you need to let go. You’ll always have those memories within you, but you deserve to live life, to love and to find the right one for you. Be happy.”

Her last words before she hang up. I spent the whole night thinking about things.