4:16 am

all i have is crippling depression and unresolved trauma

there's a certain hollowness when it comes to trauma

no matter how deep you pry, it keeps going

an infinite rabbit hole that alice cannot escape

when will it be enough?

how long until the hole can be filled?

how long until i no longer suffer for something i had no control over?

and i know they say to not blame yourself

to lock the guilt away in a cage and force it to die out

yet i keep thinking

and thinking

and thinking

and thinking

and thinking

and i can't stop thinking about it

please god tell me

why

explain to me what a five-year-old did to deserve this

to be raped repeatedly for years with no escape

because i don't understand

i can't understand

sometimes i think that things will be okay

that all the therapy and the work i've done over the years has been worth it

until the emptiness in my chest speaks once again:

there is no fixing this

Reviews

[Chris]

Sometimes helping others understand they aren't alone in their darknesses helps us realize we aren't necessarily alone in our own. Yeah, I know - cheesy and patronizing... but we each have our own shoes to walk in and sometimes even silence is the presence of ALL screams and tears...

[Poetic Beauty]

This is gut wrenching and so emotionally profound. I have no answers but sometimes writing poetry help release those emotions. Keep working at healing. Keep your chin up. Take it each moment as it comes.