Sheep in the Lion's Den

I can still see his fingerprints

They litter my body like a brand

As if I am a bruised jersey in an old western

I am someone else's

To be sold, to be bought, to be used

I am not my own person

My freedom was stripped from me as a child

The moment I was marked for the slaughter

Caught between the lion's teeth

And torn apart from the inside

There is no Goliath in this story

I am not David

I cannot throw a stone and kill my monsters

There are no happy endings here

Even if there were

Would I want one?

Author's Note

Tips for the pacing of the poem would be much appreciated!

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

hmm the pace??? not sure i know what you mean ..but the form you chose is tight and for me the "pace" was straight forward ..each pairing of lines (i will call them couplets) are very powerful ... emotive ..they draw me into the tragedy right from the start ..the themes of abuse, maybe sex slavery etc. cross my mind but in your closing you go so much deeper ..an emotional/psychological tragedy .. closing line helps me relate .. we all hold on to painful things sometime or another ... thinking if we let go we loose that part of the relationship that was good .. or was hoped for .. fresh creative imagery with the litter, scars and bruised Jerseys ... an old Western (instant pictures pop into me noodle) the turn inward as you close is so powerful to me ... our monsters .. no Goliath nor David .. superb suspense and drama
E.
Welcome to the Cafe' by the way ..see you around i hope :)

[The Iron Horseman]

I loke Louis' suggestion for the pacing. This is a very sad, emotional poem, It plucks at the heartstrings, and as such is very powerful. It almost demands a sequel, to explain why you might not want a happy ending! Nicely done.

[Louis McKraker]

hey Meghan.
I am not sure what you mean exactly what you meant by pacing, but if it's okay with you, i pasted your poem here to the pad that i use and tried a couple of things. for me, it read best at this meter. again it's YOUR POEM, do it how you like.
this format just read better to me... with pauses for sighing, for considering...?



I can still see his fingerprints
They litter my body like a brand
As if I am a bruised jersey in an old western

I am someone else's
To be sold, to be bought, to be used
I am not my own person

My freedom was stripped from me as a child
The moment I was marked for the slaughter
Caught between the lion's teeth
And torn apart from the inside

There is no Goliath in this story
I am not David
I cannot throw a stone and kill my monsters
There are no happy endings here

Even if there were
Would I want one?




Again i only help because you ask. i would never change your work for what you wanted it to be, my friend.

[Meghan Renee]

Thank you! By the pacing, I do mean the rhythm because I have a hard time timing things. I really appreciate your help and I agree that the way you have it written out is way better 😅

[Louis McKraker]

As far as timing things, it's really up to whatever sounds or looks best to the author (YOU). As long as it conveys what you felt it's timed perfect. Timing is okay, but I'd practice meter and rhyme scheme more than timing. Timing just happens in my world. I can't really explain it.