Fish Psychology 101

Higher learning around things pratical

Fish Psychology 101
(By André Barendse)
visit www.digitalbed.co.za

I have a sweetie pie face. At school I would ask questions and answer questions for the first two weeks until the teacher was properly conditioned and then I’d stop doing homework for the rest of the year. The result was that for the rest of the year I was basically on vacation, wasting my time studying the reality around me.

I’ve been told that if a shadow falls on my face a certain way… I’m also irresistable. Such beauty never distracted me and not once left my superior brain idle. I once took an IQ test and scored the 250 threshold mark… To make it even more impressive… I actually did the test upside down (the answer sheet was printed upside down for some stupid reason!?!?!?).

Anyhow… since upside down science or counter clockwise hair whorled right-handed people were in low supply… I stepped in to fill the gap.

All this beauty and genius was dwarfed in new experiences the other day when I went fishing. At first I set about building a base concept theory. I theorized that things exist in a habitat, and that everything the fishy wanted to eat was right here [here being at the De Bakke Office]. All the bs of this or that type bait etc was all just human distortion(I believe reality is self-explanatory and the function of speech is to deceive others enough to gain the edge.

So I spent a day or so lining the ocean floor with quality toxic lead sinkers. A day later I came back with snorkel & goggles and claimed my first return on the fishing investment. Turns out fishing for people [or their sinkers rather] were far easier as many more people were stupid enough to use expensive lead to take lines into the sea. One may argue, based on profitability, that fish are in fact significantly smarter than humans. [Lead is more expensive per kilogram than fish]

As I was swimming in this beautiful bay I was at once amazed at how perfect life really is. Then gradually it occurred to me how healthy and simple life really is. It honestly is paradise… and the only thing that prevented me from normally seeing it is because i’m living in the human distortion[its called a culture]. Im part of something so disgusting that it blinds me from the very paradise right in front of my eyes. It also occured to me that my eyes faced forward and that I would never see a shark coming as my omni-directional hearing wasn’t of much use under water where most creatures were dead quiet. I decided to leave paradise.

But what a brilliant thought that was… with the beauty and stuff… Soon grew bored and thought i’d put my sweetie pie face to work and convince A’sad how easy fishing is etc… Explained to him the simplicity of my simple habitat theory and that he really just needed the smallest of rods, smallest sinkers[the line drag lifts it as you reel in and as a result you chuck your line in and never get stuck]. Used the miniature periwinkles as bait and literally never had a bite after longer than one minute[and if you don't get a bite the yummy bits have already been eaten off].

I could immediately tell A’sad’s accountant brain was sold on the idea of savings… in fact he was so sold on the idea that he spared no expense and went to the local dedicated sports fishing equipment care centre. There he was quickly “helped” to the best equipment NASA could develop and the result was a 12 foot rod and a titanium alloy reel that could only be forged in zero gravity environments[outer space]. When I looked at this “koffiemeul” [as we call them] I asked myself the question… bigger reel = more line friction on static spool to angular momentum ratio… or to simplify. if a ballerina spun on her toes she would spin for long as the angular-momentum to friction ratio was high . if she spun on her belly she’d do one or two revolutions and she’d stop and no one would cheer as the momentum to friction ratio was low. The result is that koffiemeul type reels cant go the distance… small or big… they cant cast far and the rod is then basically a waste… and in fact the smaller reels, in terms of physics or reality would cast further. Anyhow… the expert sold it to A’sad and the fishing for people principle applied again.. . what it lacked for in design it made up for in entertainment value. Yet again proving my Imaginary Number Dynamics theory[Also on my website. www.digitalbed.co.za]

First it was my turn to foul up. I prepped myself the mother of double sandwiches, toasted with tomato, mayo, spinage sprinkles and processed cheese… popped that into the oven and stepped outside ( his gear didn’t fit inside the house I was also getting the idea he might kill one of my children) to go show him the ropes in simple nylon knots etc. Bypassed everything tricksy the salesman sold him and just simply used good old fashioned knots and loops. I pretended not to notice his disgusted face when I didn’t use all the shiny extras the salesman conned him into buying… the innocent face working its magic again. However, this time saver too had become a time consuming wolf.

A’sad, being a university student, needed to cross every i and dot every t and the result was a perfect academic misunderstanding of doing things in reality. I had to do it over again at the fishing spot. [The west can also learn from this in that imaginary numbers are currently in short supply and as an added convenience people cant do things in reality.] At the rate banks are reposessing the property of young dead soldiers, one might argue that the war is against the good, to the benefit of evil alone.

Eventually got back into the house… that was now in fact smoking. My mother beautiful perfect toasted sweat’nsour sandwich had transformed into an exothermic carbon/oxygen, solid to gas reaction [the processed cheese caught fire...]. The thoughts going through this caucasian polar bear was how this incompetent non-paranoid humanoid was in fact ruining my sweetie pie face with his lack of basic todler knowledge. He naturally canned himself as the pristine all-gnosis was reduced to fury[anger is immensely embarrassing to people like myself. I proclaim that anger is something you induce in the enemy to control them... it doesn't work on animals like fish, the otter, red baron etc. they fight on their terms and usually that means you go down in flames or water [equally bad]]

So after round one my sandwich was busy melting the ice caps, killing our climate and naturally that was bad. But sweet revenge was on the horizon… first of all… his convenient two piece 12 foot rod couldn’t fit any boot of any car.Not even his 1.8 ltr Volkswagen GERMAN CAR. MuhahahahaAHAHA. What then is the purpose of a two piece??? either you stick one piece on your roof or two?

Luckily my Renault Megane Scenic can have its seats rearanged as I generally do. I take out the middle seat and then the outer seats move inwards a notch and then slide back. The result is a good gap between them for 12 foot 2 piece rods and seats that then slip back into the boot for large fat french wine drinkers to have plenty of space. The result … living room luxury while driving to the local fishing spot… Laugh at the sweetie pie face… laugh!

So we messed around a bit on ambitious ventures and eventually settled ourselves on the simple proven locals spot[it is sublime]. Anyhow, roughly at this point A’sad was power hungry and getting overconfident with his casting and created what I would refer to as a grade A cluster!@#%. This was in a prime class of its own… Usually when you tangle line on a reel its because it is a cast revolving or frictionless reel. The classic “koffiemeul” is static and because if this you can’t really tangle line… unless ofcourse, if you studied fishing at the university of the Free State. A’sad may know imaginary numbers, and “Die vier kleur” but when it comes to fishing… he’s reduced to a “kraaines” that is not yet actually explained with man’s current vocabulary or mathematics. “koffiemeul” reels are generally givin to children because it is so foolproof. However in the hands of an academic… a “kraaines” [crow's nest] is from the 12 foot tip to handle is in fact a proven possibility. I had never seen such a profound and impossible “kraaines” from one cast. The average human might have difficulty forming this picture in their minds here on gravity earth.

You need to get outer-space type imagination [NASA engineering at its best. Go read my story on ToadWarThreefoot to properly understand NASA engineering]

First of all picture a 12 foot Christmas tree[That doesn't fit inside the house] Now replace all the green bits with fishing nylon… That was A’sad’s “Kraaines”. It just needed some lights.

He should have just sold it there and then. Sweetie pie face was slipping back into a position of power.

Science occasionally accepts the inconvenience of reality… does it not? Clearly dogs exist… yes? Clearly dogs eat, yes? Clearly homework is edible, yes?
Is it so absurd to accept that expertise is a “kraaines” in reality… Science is about accepting the supporting bits of your invented reality, is it not? Clearly credentials was a handicap?

A’sad was deeply upset and becoming an exothermic carbon/oxygen, solid to gas reaction [he was on fire]. [and his anger made him destroy an immaculate discounted R 11.50 excl. VAT Wimpy class coffee mug]. He may claim that it was dark and an accident… He was emotional, impulsive, ready to crack under the pressure and ready be controlled.

So with my superior intellect I caught a 0.13 meter blacktail monster; to snatch the Alpha-male lead back from the 12 foot fishing rod … I did swim accross the mighty De Bakke Bay after all! [I snorkled there, and know that there are even bigger fish there... just out of reach of your hands. Creepy actually because you hear them feed and under water everything audible is on you. it literally sounds as if you are being eaten:-)]

I will be back for more… sinkers. Watch this space.

Anyhow… that then is Fish Psychology. As a result A’sad is no longer allowed to drink from MY “Alpha-male” coffee mug[Don't take it personally A'sad... its quite a big mug. Not 12 foot big but still... LOL]. You’re not mature enough and you might break it.

Ps… Asad… you’re still worthy enough to wash the other dishes as it is your turn… I know I taught you the philosophy of Slack, but you’re overdoing it now.
Don’t touch the Alphamale mug though!

So now you know the psychology behind fish, the importance of media propaganda, its resultant anger and the sociological significance of uranium/fishing rods…

you may share but not change.
visit www.digitalbed.co.za

Author's Note

I'm not big on error correctiion... sorry.

Reviews

[André]

Thanks. I think i'm a terribly sloppy writer. I probably should spend more time getting it cleaned up. It just draws the life out of me backtracking all the time. There's always another day.

[Nyx]

I love it! Reminds me of the works of Kurt Vonnegut. (: