For Him

In my dreams you smell of chlorine and soap

Your dimpled smile lets off sunrays and your tanned skin races through my fingertips

And just the sight of you sets off alarms in my head like explosions of fireworks, harsh against the otherwise calm night sky

All that being said, i was never sure if the simple musings of my mind could ever be considered dreams

Because to have dreams was to have hope, which is something my life was devoid of without you

And to have hope was to have faith and i could not think of anyone i thought worthy of the complete trust that faith entailed

But then you appeared, speaking of love and promises and memories worth making 

You breathed life into me and i didn't even notice until i was caught in your trap, ensnared in your hold

And suddenly i realized that i didn't want to be set free

Reviews

[kitty blur]

Where do I start?? This piece is fantastic, easily a favorite of mine that I've read on here so far. I really REALLY enjoyed how you expressed a feeling that most will feel in their lifetime in a fresh and readable way instead of relying on the old cliches to elucidate it (think "___ is my drug and my cure" or "when I see you, my world stops" or something. Heard those a thousand times). There's a progression in this poem that demonstrates the power of your feelings for this person without over doing it. The escalation of dreams to hope to faith was an incredible chunk of the poem to read because I can totally resonate with that train of thought. The conclusion of being comfortable with the "trap" this person ensnared you in is a feeling that I hope all of us can come across at some point, because it truly is a wonderful feeling. :)

I can honestly say that I have no critiques. I loved this piece, and I look forward to reading more of them from you. Wow.

[etherealbeauty]

Oh my gosh I absolutely loved your review of this. It makes me so happy that you enjoyed it and related to it. Thank you so much for your feedback!

[William Liston]

At first, I noticed the lack of capitalization and thought, "this is probably going to suck," but after I read the first two lines, I became entranced by every word. Your imagery was amazing. The line "your dimpled smile lets off sunrays and your tanned skin races through my fingertips" especially stuck out to me. I almost got chills when I read the last two lines. This was great. I hope to read more from you soon.

[etherealbeauty]

Thank you so much for your feedback! I'll take into consideration what you said about capitlization. I never realized it was such an important part of the poem. I now realize that the first impression can be everything.

[William Liston]

Ah yes, the visual impression can mean a lot. Take a look at some of my poems if you don't mind; I always try to make them look elegant.

[etherealbeauty]

I'll check them out tomorrow after I sleep!