Tickory Tickory Tock, The Doc Forgot To Knock

Open my box, dear adversary, and assess its contents.

Scribble the imperfections in your crude clipboard and vomit them out to all, like a nauseous choirmaster. You are sick, not I.

 

This room, pure white (save the blue bruise of your presence),

is my afterlife. When you are here, you interrupt it like a cough in a funeral, a man spilling his mouthy bucket of phlegm everywhere he speaks. When you leave, I am alone with the loud tolls of the clock on the wall sending quaking tremors through my ears as I lay, waiting for your slimy hand to grip my door and enter again.

 

But how I love the scent of the ladies entering my room, wheeling in their gorgeous goblets of heaven and wielding syringes like tiny swords. Each day they fill my body with needles. I am their happy pincushion. The swords bring me pleasure no lover can, as I drift in space and float to the time kept by that clanging clock: 

tick-tock

tick-tock

tick-tock

Until the loud knock of my enemy wakes me again.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews would be appreciated :)

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I'm 61 & I've only been in the hospital twice, but the last time was 4 years ago & I still remember vividly. You've captured it so well here. I've always wanted to write about that last horrible experience (2 weeks!) but I didn't want to come off like a whiner. In this piece, you've taken it completely out of the realm of complaining, but rather focusing on very outrageously-stated aspects of a hospital stay. There seems to be a little flip-flopping over whether this narrator is in the hospital or in heaven, but I don't think heaven would be this irritating. The title is clever & catchy. Parenthetical phrase, firstline/second paragraph = brilliantly-stated.

[Ethan]

Thank you very much :))

[Maheep dhanoa]

Firstly, this work really makes a reader feel things so vividly. With everything described so perfectly , it really creates a realistic image in the mind and feeling in the heart.
And secondly, the choice of words is beyond wonderful.

[EJ's Horror]

I like it because I found it sort of highlights a patient's pain, but Ethan I want to know is this guy in a hospital-hospital or an asylum? Does he refer to his symptoms or the doctor as his "Enermy"?

[Ethan]

It's just a hospital and the enemy is the doctor.

[Kesha]

Haha I loved the title! This is a great piece, I can imagine this pretty well as I really don't like going to the doctors.

[Alexzandera]

Beautiful! However, I am a little disappointed that it did not rhyme.

[Ethan]

Haha yes, the title is a bit misleading. Thanks!

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Fascinating and imaginative composition – I can envisage the duality of treatment; doctor vs. nursing care! Reminded me, that therapeutic vaccines have the potential to change medical treatment radically and may be able to treat all sorts of scourges, as opposed to more intrusive treatments. Kudos my friend ... :-)

[Ethan]

Thank you :)

[Decidious wind]

I am not sure as to what the backstory is behind this poem. Maybe there isn't a backstory which is completely fine, which leaves room for imagination. I can imagine an old man on his deathbed just trying to make hope out of anything. This poem is as melancholy as it is poetic and moving. A great read and definetly worth my time

[Ethan]

Haha I have a disease and experienced something along the lines of this in a hospital. Though I didn't really hate the doctor. I wondered how bad it would be for someone who did, though. Thanks for the review :)

[Joey Nizz]

Your words are very mesmerizing, your words captured the eyes of the reader, making it see what really goes behind your work.

Well done Ethan :)

[Ethan]

Thank you :))

[Joey Nizz]

Your welcome :)

[Farhan Shaikh]

Fantastic work...i loved it and interesting read

[Ethan]

Thanks Farhan