If here reviews could be a single word,
My single word for this would then be: WOW!
Well done!!
(For sound purposes, I'd suggest to move "often" to before "tell me" rather than leave it after.....and I was going to say something about the last line being a bit wonky in regards to the musicality, but the way the musicality flows, I can say it kind of works.... veering from the set rhythm to end in style and the bang that is the line!)
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Ah yes, you're right, good idea. And yeah, I was trying to go for something with a couple amphibrach.. read moreAh yes, you're right, good idea. And yeah, I was trying to go for something with a couple amphibrachs on the last line. Does it end the line abruptly?
not at all. It's reads perfectly. You just need to remember to breathe in between "it" and "a" to re.. read morenot at all. It's reads perfectly. You just need to remember to breathe in between "it" and "a" to really pack the punch of that charm.
Goodness, where do you come up with this stuff? It's awesome! The way you described your darling and compared her to a fallen angel, well, that' new for me. To sum it up, one word - wow!
Your poems for some reason make me feel nostalgic for some reason. Its as if i'm reaching out to my past life or something. It seems as if the narrator is deeply infatuated with this "darling fair"while she isn't. She makes him feel as if she isn't his sometimes which must be painful! So we side with the narrator. There is a lot of pathos in the poem yet you didn't paint it so explicitly. Well done! Truly... amazing!
Ethan, this is amazing!!! :D If you have a girlfriend, read this to her!! If not, save it for the special lady you meet one day. Or special dude, however you choose. :)