But Traveler I Am Not

O if I were a romantic wanderer, hailing from distant lands across that isolating lake and telling stories of valor unspoken on this island, how my life would be complete. But now, leaning against my teardrop speckled rock, watching the birds soar wherever they please without portent, I must wait for some sporadic event to fling me from here to there. May the ocean take form, and lifting its great, swirling fist, deliver me to my destiny! 

But there is no way from here to there, from this way to that, on this floating, monstrous mass obstructing my true purpose on this floating, monstrous planet. Nay, there is no such thing more wonderful and terrible as a dream. Worse yet, a dreamer. The little fantasy tortures its owner without rest or regret, tantalizes him with hope, and then cleaves his aspirations into pieces before his eyes. God help the child unfortunate enough to have found a dream.

Reviews

[CMC]

This was excellently written. Again, there was a powerful and definitive message: don't cling to dreams more than the life you have in front of you. People often lose themselves in that kind of wishful thinking, and it hurts to see them be torn apart by the dream that they latch on to. Thank you very much for sharing this.

[Ethan]

Thanks Chris :)))))

[Richard Charles]

I Iove the line "Nay, there is no such thing more wonderful and terrible as a dream." This whole piece seems very strong. Have you any interest in writing a short story? Your descriptions are great. Nice flow.

[Ethan]

Not really. I think I'd be too afraid of being unoriginal

[Raven Moonchild]

(applauds) Kid,this is spectacular!!!! You should REALLY turn this into a book!!! This reminds me of the song "If I Could Be a Hero" from Shrek the Musical. :)

[Ethan]

Aw thank you. I never watched Shrek though :/

[Raven Moonchild]

You ought to. lol The first Shrek movie is great and the musical has some inspirational songs. :)

[Ethan]

Ill check it out xD

[Raven Moonchild]

Awesome!!! :D

[rowan.taylorrr]

i really like this piece, i do have a few suggestions if you'd like though. if not it's okay

[Ethan]

Certainly, I worked on it for like half an hour so Im sure there are things I missed.

[rowan.taylorrr]

the piece over all is good. i have advice for all of your writing though- i like the words you use, but sometimes it feels like it's too wordy or you use words that cloud up the big picture of the piece, if i overstepped boundaries i am very sorry

[Ethan]

No, don't worry, you're not. Which words would you remove?

[rowan.taylorrr]

it's not necessarily removing words it's replacing them. for example, the first sentence sounds kind of wordy and makes it hard to move on to the rest of the piece. it kind of messes up the flow, i do love the piece though. you know how sometimes you'll read something and it's hard for you to get through based off of like the first sentence or page? yeah that's what i mean. it's completely up to you, i feel bad for barging

[Ethan]

Hmm thats interesting. I would've though the second sentence would do that more. And it's part of the character. He's spent so much time longing to be free that he's thought of exactly how to describe it.

[rowan.taylorrr]

yeah i completely understand that

[Ethan]

However, you're quite right. I try to balance these poems out with smaller, simpler ones but it doesn't always reach equilibrium lol

[rowan.taylorrr]

yeah i get that lol i just think your pieces are absolutely amazing but could just use some touch ups here and there

[Ethan]

Yeah thank you. Your input is always appreciated

[rowan.taylorrr]

anytime:) if you ever want to ask me for help on writing or want me to read something i would be more than happy to