Day Eight: Chicago

Everybody is quiet until Stepha`n asks: “Where are we heading? Chicago is only 4

and half hours away, so we’ll be there very early in the morning.”

Connor explains that he has anticipated having to leave right after the show, so

he arranged for an early check in at the hotel. At that news everyone relaxes and

starts talking. I hand out beers and suggest a game of poker. When Jordy says he is

game if it’s strip poker, I agree and then Paul, Reagan, Stepha`n and Jason want to

play as well. I smile slyly, they have no idea how good I am at this game. I let Jordy

deal the cards and name the rules. The first hand I lose and take off my shoes. After

the second hand I take off my socks. Seeing the looks that are exchanged between the

guys I know they are now convinced I will be naked within the next few hands and it’s

time for me to really start playing. Soon all the guys have taken off their shoes and

socks and are playing without their shirts on. When they only have their boxers left

on, they stop playing.

I laugh and say: “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I should have told you I’ve been playing

this game since I was only 8 years old.”

Feeling conned they all grunt in protest and Jason says: “You should play with

Con. I think you’d have a hard time winning against him. He always cleans us out.”

I smugly look at Connor and gesture for him to sit down opposite me. At first he

refuses, but when the other guys urge him to he reluctantly takes the seat. I give him

the cards and tell him to name the rules. He then hands them back and tells me to do

it. We look at each other for a second and then I shuffle the cards while naming my

rules. I deal the cards and we start playing. Soon I find out I might have met my match

here. The first game lasts a while, but I eventually lose it and take off my t-shirt.

Seeing me in my bra the guys start whistling and I laugh rolling my eyes. I look at

Connor and wait for him to start dealing. I notice a bit of discomfort on his side as we

play the second game and I win this one. Instead of just taking off his shoes or

something as non-revealing as that Connor takes off his shirt as well. Without meaning

to I stare at his bare chest for a moment until someone clears their throat. I start

blushing while focusing on shuffling the cards and deal them. He mockingly offers to

quit now and leave it like this, but the competitive part of me refuses. As it plays out

we both realize we are equally skilled until something happens when we try to read

each other. I’m not sure what it is but it’s like he surrenders, because I suddenly win

the hand.

He instantly stands up and goes upstairs. No one seems to have noticed

anything, since there isn’t anyone bringing it up and I start wondering if I imagined it.

I don’t get a chance to wonder for long because the guys are cheering me on for

winning from “the champ”. They hand me a glass of JaÅNger to celebrate my victory.

Unsure about that I put my t-shirt back on, empty the glass and try to figure out what

just happened. Not feeling truly victorious I decide to decline the next round of JaÅNger

and retreat to the upstairs lounge to work on the story.

I pick up my laptop and as I start it up I see that it is low on energy. I get out

my power cord and try to find a power source in the lounge. Then I remember there

are none on the bus and won’t be able to use my laptop now. Luckily I still have my

Blackberry. I put my laptop away and grab my phone from my bed. I start up the word

processor and type away.

Two hours later the bus stops and we have arrived at the hotel. Everyone gets

off the bus, gets their luggage and goes to the check-in counter of the hotel. Connor is

handed over all the room keys and divides five rooms between the guys. With me

being the only girl, I get the sixth room to myself. Reagan and Paul share one room,

Dom and Yuri share another, Jordy and Gino share one and the last 2 rooms are shared

by Moe and Stepha`n and Jason and Con. I take my key and walk to the elevator to go

up to my room. They all follow me with their own keys and luggage. Since we don’t fit

in one elevator all together, we split up into 2 groups. Jason and Con are on the same

floor as me as are Moe and Stepha`n, so we go on one elevator. The rest wait for

another one to come.

After getting off the elevator we say goodnight and all go in different

directions. When I put my key into the door to my room I see that Jason and Con are

only three doors away from me. I open the door, get in the room, put my stuff on the

floor and run over to the bed to take a dive in it. I take a deep breath and spread my

arms and legs. What a relief to be in a real bed again. It’s only been 3 nights on the

bus, but the space is just so cramped. I am actually so tired I fall asleep instantly. I

wake up as my phone starts ringing. I pick it up still half asleep.

“Hello?”

“Hi, did I call you at a bad time?”

“Who is this? Dad?”

“Ouch! No, it’s Ben. I wanted to check if you are ok. I sent you an e-mail

yesterday, but didn’t get a response, so I started wondering if things were ok.”

I shoot up and quickly clear my throat. “Yes, sir…ehm…Ben. I’m fine. It’s just

that the battery of my laptop was really low and I forgot to check my e-mail on my

phone. I’m sorry, I know you said to keep you posted.”

“Oh. It’s alright. I’m just glad everything is fine. How is the writing going?”

“It’s going fantastic! I have a lot of material already and this is only day 4.”

He tells me he’s glad things are going so well and to check in with him later. I

put down my phone and look at my watch. It is only 8:00 a.m. Should I check with

somebody what the plans are or just go back to sleep? I figure that no one is actually

up yet, so I lie back down. Then I look at my clothes and see I am still wearing what I

had on when I got off the bus. I get up from the bed and take my pajamas out of my

suitcase. I change into them, get back in bed and fall asleep again.

After waking up I decide to take a shower and I take my time with the hot

water feeling so nice. When the whole bathroom is completely fogged up and it is kind

of hard to breath I get out of the shower and open the door to let in some fresh air. I

get dressed and call Reagan’s room. When there is no answer, I try calling Dom. No

one is answering there either. I’m kind of hungry, so I look for the information about

breakfast times. As it happens breakfast started about an hour ago and will finish in

another hour. I grab my room key and go downstairs to the breakfast room. Soon after

I enter I see all the guys are sitting there. No wonder I couldn’t reach them in their

rooms. Reagan gets up to greet me and waves for me to sit with them. I walk over and

sit down in the chair between Reagan and Paul. They both smile at me and Reagan

asks what I want to eat.

I look around at the plates on the table and say: “Well, those eggs Benedict

look really good. I think I’d like them.”

I look up at the person that ordered the eggs and it is of course Connor. He

continues eating without looking up and leans closer to his plate. Reagan orders me

the eggs and tells the waitress that I’d like some orange juice as well. I pull a face and

let the waitress know I’d rather have some coffee.

“I’m sorry, Reagan. I just hate orange juice.”

Stepha`n sits up and says: “Hey! ...” He stops speaking suddenly and sits back in

his chair. I see him looking at Connor and then he focuses on his plate.

“What?” I say.

“Oh no, nothing. I thought I saw something.” He answers shaking his head still

looking at his plate.

Confused I look over at Connor, but he is just eating his eggs and drinking his

coffee. Meanwhile the waitress returns with my food and coffee and I start eating.

“So, what is the plan for today, Con?” Jason asks.

“We have to be at the venue at 4:30 p.m. It is now about 10:00 a.m., so you

have 6 hours to yourselves. Just make sure you are back here at 4:00 p.m. sharp! Oh

yeah, as you know we will stay in this city for another day and tomorrow is your day

off. Just remember that we will leave early Wednesday morning.”

Everyone is clearly happy about this and one or two start discussing where to go

after breakfast. While listening in on the different conversations I finish my breakfast

and coffee and start yawning.

Reagan sees it, puts his arm around me and whispers: “I think you need some

more sleep. Come on, I’ll walk you back to your room.”

I am too tired to think about anything but returning to my room as quickly as

possible. Reagan walks me to the elevator and presses the button. I keep on yawning

while waiting for the elevator and apologize for doing so. He says it’s ok and smiles at

me. We get on the elevator and at my floor walk out towards my room. I take my

room key from my pocket, open the door to let us in, walk over to the bed and as I sit

down I see him waiting at the threshold. I laugh at his silliness and tell him it’s ok to

come in. He walks in and closes the door behind him. I let myself fall on my bed and

tell him to sit down anywhere. At first he sits down in one of the chairs, but when I

turn on the TV I invite him to sit on the bed.

“You can’t possibly see anything on TV from that chair.” I laugh.

He sits down on the bed and as he slowly gets comfortable, I fall asleep. When I

wake up, I have the blanket from the bed around me. I look up and see Reagan sitting

next to me watching TV.

“Hey you! Did you have a good sleep? You were out for 3,5 hours, so you must

have needed it. You did seem a little restless the first half hour, but afterwards you

slept like a baby.”

“Yeah, I’m a lot better now. Sorry about that. I haven’t been very good

company. You could have left and spent your time better.” I say.

Then he explains he wanted to watch TV and Paul wanted to sleep as well. “He

wouldn’t have let me turn on the TV in our room, because he is a very light sleeper.

Besides you are pretty good company even though you were just sleeping.”

I start laughing and he laughs with me. “You must be crazy. If I hadn’t been so

tired, I would have gone into the city and try and see some landmarks. I’ve never been

here, so being able to see some of the famous stuff would have been cool.”

He gets up at once and turns off the TV. He walks over to the door, looks back

at me and says: “Well, what are you waiting for? Get up! There is still time to see

some of the things you want.”

I dismiss him and shake my head. “There are only a couple hours left and I

don’t want to get into trouble with Connor for making you late. Besides I’ll have the

whole day tomorrow.” He walks back and pulls me off the bed in one go. He drags me

to the door and quickly closes it behind us after getting the room key.

“Wait, I need some shoes.”

He opens the door again and lets me put on my shoes. I walk past him through

the door again and laugh. We walk to the elevator and I name the places I’d like to

see; Wrigley stadium, Wrigley building, Sears tower and Buckingham Fountain.

“Do you think we will have time to see all of these things today?” I ask

excitedly.

He starts laughing and says: “I’m not sure, but we’re just going to have to try.

If it gets you this excited, it sure is worth it.”

We are still laughing when the elevator door opens and Connor comes out. He

looks at us for a second and walks past without saying a word. We get on the elevator

and go downstairs to the lobby. Reagan walks up to the reception and explains that we

want to see some landmarks and asks if they know a good company that will take him

there. The girl behind the counter blushes and picks up the phone. Within minutes

there is a cab waiting outside, Reagan calls over to me and I notice the girl behind the

counter looking enviously at me as I join him. We get in the cab and Reagan tells the

driver we would like to see Wrigley Stadium, Wrigley building, Sears Tower and

Buckingham Fountain, but have to be back here within 2 hours. The driver confirms it

is no problem and we are off. It is very sunny outside, so I turn down my window and

take in as much of the surroundings as possible. Now and then I point at things and tell

Reagan to look. Though he must have seen it all before, he humors me by looking

anyway. We have a great time together.

After the tour is over and we are back at the hotel, we get out of the cab and I

give him a hug. “Thank you so much for this! I really needed to do some none work

related stuff, though technically spending time with you is part of my job. Today it

really didn’t feel that way at all. You are a great person to hang out with!”

I give him another hug, but quickly let go when I spot Connor at the entrance.

Reagan sees Connor as well and says: “Why don’t you get on the bus and I go get my

gear?”

I watch him leave, then turn and walk over to the bus. Inside I walk to my bunk

and lie down. Unsure of the look on Connor’s face I decide to stay on the safe side and

stay out of sight for a while. It doesn’t take long before the bus starts moving. I get

out of my bunk and go to the nearby lounge to get some more work done on my

Blackberry. After what seems a minute the bus stops. I get up and walk downstairs.

Everyone has already left the bus, so I get out as well. It is raining outside, so I run

over to the entrance of the venue and hurry inside. The guys are busy unloading their

gear. I sit down at the bar and watch them set up. When they begin the sound check I

get out my phone and start writing about it. The bartender startles me when he asks if

I’d like something to drink. I didn’t even notice him standing behind the bar. I drop my

phone and it falls on the floor. Of course the band has just stopped playing, so I start

blushing heavily. I quickly grab my phone and apologize. I whisper to the bartender

that I’d like a glass of water. He looks at me in surprise and asks if I’m sure I don’t

want anything stronger. I nod at him thinking I need to stay sober until after the show

at least, if I’m going to drink at all tonight. I drink my water in the same time it takes

the band to be done with the sound check and the bartender fills it up again.

Reagan walks over to where I am sitting and grabs the glass from my hand.

“Thanks! I’m thirsty.” He smiles at me mischievously and I pretend to be offended

while smiling. When he takes a sip and notices it’s only water he pulls a face and says:

“This is water! I was expecting it to be something stronger.”

“What do you mean? You think I’m an alcoholic or something?”

“No, I wouldn’t say that. It’s just that I am…haha.” When he sees my reaction,

he laughs and shakes his head.

I now start laughing as well, feeling silly for believing him. The rest of the guys

come up to the bar and Jason orders beer for everyone. Soon after everyone has a

beer in their hand a girl walks in the club with a stack of flat boxes in her arms. The

bartender walks over to her and takes the boxes from her.

He calls out: “FOOD! Come and get it while it’s hot!”

He hands the girl money and she turns around and leaves again. From all kinds

of places there are people appearing. Wow, there are a lot more people here than I

expected. The boxes are put on the bar and when they open I discover all different

kinds of pizzas. I’m closest to the boxes, so I start handing out pieces to the guys.

When they all have two slices in their hands and walk away to find a seat, I take a

slice for myself and get out of the way. I decide to walk back to the bus to stay out of

Connor’s way, because every time our eyes meet he looks at me with a frown. As I

reach the bus I feel a bit sad and really wish Connor would stop looking at me like I did

something wrong. I really thought last night made a difference, but I guess it must

take a miracle for him to start liking me. He has already made up his mind about girls

on tour and I won’t be able to change his mind in only 3 weeks. I sigh heavily and

finish my pizza. Reagan walks in with more slices of pizza and offers me another

piece. I accept it, thank him, sit back and eat silently. After a few minutes of silence

Reagan asks if anything is wrong and my first reaction is to say nothing is wrong.

When he presses the subject I finally admit that something is. I explain that his

talk with Connor hasn’t really helped. “Though he hasn’t said anything since, he looks

at me in a way that makes me feel really unwelcome here. I just can’t figure out what

I did wrong.”

“Don’t take it personal. He is really not a bad guy once you get to know him.

Last time I spoke to him about it he said he’s just worried about you becoming a

distraction to some people and them dropping the ball at some point. But I’ll talk to

him again.”

“No, please don’t! I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. I just need to

figure out what he’s expecting of me.”

“But I don’t want you to feel this bad.” He takes my hand in his and strokes it.

He pulls me closer to him and kisses me. I pull away from him at once. Shocked

I get up and leave the bus hastily. All the while my mind races. Did I lead him on? Why

would he do that? Why didn’t I notice anything? Normally I’m pretty good at seeing a

change in intentions. What should I do now? Ok, I need to go back and talk to Reagan

about this. Yeah, that is the right thing to do. I should definitely do this now. Hmm,

well, I’ll just let things cool down for a while first. I need to be tactful and if I go talk

to him now I probably am not going to be all that subtle. I bury my face in my hands

and frustratingly grunt into them. Without looking up I turn around and start walking,

unfortunately into someone. When I feel an arm around me I know it’s Reagan. For a

second I like the feeling so much that I almost forget everything, but knowing it’s

wrong to let it go on I step away and look up to speak. Seeing his gaze on me I feel

guilty for letting him put his arm around me and fall silent.

Before I can speak he says: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I

wasn’t thinking.”

Totally speechless and almost frozen I stay on the spot. I just can’t wrap my

head around what just happened. In a daze I walk back to the bus, get on and go

straight to my bunk. I lie down on my bed and close the curtain. Wow, how is it

possible things can get so complicated in one moment? What am I going to say to

Reagan? He is a really nice guy and I like him a lot, but just as a friend. Yeah, I should

probably say something along those lines. Suddenly I hear my name being called and I

consider responding until I recognize Reagan’s voice. Not ready to face him yet, I stay

quiet and decide that I’ll wait until after the show before talking to him. Quietly I put

earphones in my ears and turn on some music on my iPod. This way if he finds me here

I can blame my music for not hearing him. With way too much chaos in my head to

relax I take out my Blackberry and start writing to put some of my thoughts into

words. Maybe I can make sense of them when I can read them back. Time goes by

quickly, because when I look at my watch I see that I’ve been here for a couple of

hours already. By this time I have calmed down enough to be ready to speak to

Reagan. When I reach the downstairs lounge there is no one sitting there, so I get out

of the bus and go towards the club. On my way there I see Dom standing at the

entrance. When he spots me he walks towards me and asks where I’ve been.

While pointing at the bus I tell him I was just in my bunk. “We started looking

for you when no one had seen you for a while and Reagan said you were upset when

he last saw you. He thought you might have left.”

“No, why would I do that? I was a little upset, but I wouldn’t just take off

without saying anything. I’m sorry if I worried you. I’ll go talk to Reagan.”

He points towards the club and says he was in there last time he saw him. I

enter the club and spot him instantly. As I walk over he sees me as well and his face

shows relief.

I ask him to come outside to talk and once there I turn around to face him and

immediately start talking: “Listen, I’m sorry I walked away from you earlier, but it’s

just that I really didn’t expect that to happen. I think you are a great guy, but I think

of you as a friend.”

“Can I speak now? Don’t apologize, there is no need for that. I should apologize

to you! I never should have kissed you. I really like hanging out with you, but if you

don’t want to do that anymore I’d understand.”

Without saying anything I hug him to let him know things are squared away now.

We smile at each other and are both really relieved we solved this issue. After a

minute or so Dom walks over and lets Reagan know it’s time for the show to start.

They both walk inside. I follow them and go straight to the front of the stage. I stand

right in front of Yuri. I’m a little worried of getting hurt, but I need to step out of the

journalist role and get into the mindset of a fan. When the guys are ready to start, the

crowd comes closer to the stage. All of a sudden I’m closely surrounded by girls. When

I’m being pushed aside I’m moved to the side of the stage and end up standing in front

of Reagan. The band starts playing and the crowd soon goes wild.

After a few songs I really get into it and start head banging and jumping. I close

my eyes and really feel the music inside of me. When I open my eyes again I’m kind of

embarrassed. Reagan, Jason and Stepha`n are looking at me laughing. When I lock eyes

with Reagan he winks at me and encourages me. I laugh, wink back and shrug at him

as to say I can’t help it. I turn around and start jumping again really going wild now. I

stop abruptly when I feel a fist hit me in the face. Out of the corner of my eye I see

Reagan react, so I quickly look up at him and smile widely to let him know I’m OK.

When I can’t ignore the throbbing of my cheek anymore, I decide I had enough

perspective for one night. With some difficulty I squeeze through the crowd towards

the backstage area. After passing the security guy I walk straight to the bus. I get on

and as I sit down on the couch I notice that my cheek is really swelling up now. So I

get back up and start looking for something to stop my cheek from throbbing so much.

In the fridge there is a small freezer-compartment, but unfortunately that’s empty. I

really don’t want to go back into the venue, so I put a cold beer bottle against my

cheek, sit down again and hope the cold bottle will stop the swelling.

About an hour later Reagan comes on the bus. “Jeez, that looks really bad. I’ll

go get you some ice for that.”

He walks out again and I get up to look at my reflection in the window. When I

see my swollen cheek and feel it throbbing I realize the bottle didn’t help much.

Reagan comes back with an icepack and hands it to me. I put it on my cheek and lay

my head back.

“Wow, I really didn’t think I would get hurt like this. Though I have never had

that much fun at a concert! I really loved your performance. I was really getting into it

at some point.” I say trying to laugh.

“I saw you! We were all laughing, surprised to see you let yourself go like that.

When you got hit in the face I thought you would pass out, so I am glad you aren’t

seriously hurt.” Reagan tells me. Soon Jason and Dom come into the lounge and when

they see the icepack on my face they ask what happened.

I lift up the icepack and jokingly say: “I can tell my grandkids I went on tour

with a band and got hit in the face at a heavy metal concert.”

We all start laughing and I put the pack back on my cheek. Jason and Dom start

reminiscing about the first time they got hurt at a concert. Reagan also shares his

experiences. Jason gets up after a while and says he’s going to talk to some of the

fans. Dom gets up as well and tells Reagan it would be a good idea if he comes along.

Reluctantly, and after making sure I am fine, he follows Dom out the bus. As I now sit

here on my own I sigh deeply at my own stupidity. How do I always manage to get

myself into trouble? I lay my head back again and close my eyes.

“You ok?” I suddenly hear Connor ask.

He startles me and the icepack falls off my face on the floor. I lean forward to

grab it when I almost lose my balance. Connor grabs my arm before I can fall off the

couch and pushes me back in my seat. He puts the icepack back on my cheek and

waits for me to hold it in place before letting go. Just as I open my mouth to answer

him, we hear someone get on the bus. Connor moves away from me at once. Noticing

a headache coming up I decide to go to my bunk, before the whole gang is back on the

bus. I walk up the stairs and get in my bunk. Soon Reagan comes over and asks if I’m

feeling alright. He tells me he will keep an eye on me just to be sure and if I start

feeling worse I have to tell him at once. Shortly after he leaves I get a text message

and it’s from Beth. She’s asking me how things are going, if I have any exciting news

to share with her. I text her back right away and tell her what happened to me tonight

without mentioning the kiss from Reagan. I take a picture of my face and send it to

her. I know that was a mistake when Beth calls me with a panicked voice asking me if

I’m ok. I explain to her I’m fine and ask her not to worry anyone else. After being

reassured Beth hangs up.

Then the bus starts moving and I figure we must be getting back to the hotel

now. I look at my watch and see that it’s only 1:30 a.m. I get up from my bunk to join

the rest in the downstairs lounge. As I walk down I hear the conversations stop. They

must all be looking at me. When I am all the way downstairs I notice I am right. The

silence is broken by a sudden loud laugh. Moe gets up, points at my face and laughs at

me. Then I start laughing myself and everyone else joins in. I sit down at the table and

Reagan hands me a glass. When I refuse he assures me it is just water, so I take it

from him. I finish my drink and soon after we get to the hotel. Everybody gets up and

leaves the bus. I still have a bad headache, so I say goodnight to the guys and go up to

my room. I get inside, change into my pajamas, lie down on the bed and turn on the

TV. I flip through the channels and when I come across MTV Dreads on Fire is on. I

watch the video and notice that the guys are so different on TV than in real life. They

look so tough and mean in the video while in real life they are so nice. When some

stupid girl band comes on I turn off the TV and soon I fall asleep.