Mr. Yummy pants

"I have preference for breathing..."

“If I were the rain that binds together the earth and the sky. Who in all eternity will never mingle would I be able to bind the hearts and people together?” –Bleach, Memories In The Rain

 

“Well, damn,” Shaun muttered to herself as she was once again flat on her back. Only this time there was no muck and no wannabe opting to share a wooden stake with her. Nope, only two six foot tall guards wearing bronze armor, leather, and armed to the teeth.

 

“Let me guess,” she sighed woefully, “Easley, put you here to make sure I didn’t manage to get away till I heard what he had to say. Luckily for me I listened to his spiel, so you two can just go… fine be that way.” Shaun grimaced as they slowly approached her. Vampires were not one to rush into things. It would’ve been bad news for her if they had.

 

Shaun quickly got her feet under her and waited. When the guard in front of her was within eight feet of her, she lunged at him. He took a step back. Shaun smiled as she grasped his feet and sunk them into the floor. While he was busy trying to regain his balance, Shaun flipped onto her back and kipped back onto her feet. She grabbed the other one hands and placed her feet on top of his, then, she sunk them into the floor just to the knees and elbows.

 

Smiling, Shaun floated upwards between the two of them.  “You two must be new guys.” She slowly backed up watching them; the first guy had managed to regain his balance and was now glaring at her. “Otherwise you would’ve known not to quarrel with me because I’m the baddest, youngest vampire- Oh holy…” Shaun eyes widened in shock as the first one managed to pull one foot through the floor and, then, the other one.

 

He slowly looked up at her grinning. The fact that he had fangs didn’t freak her out, it was the fact that they were longer than any vampire’s she had ever seen. She slowly met his gaze and realized her mistake. They were yellow, not the fluorescent yellow of a vampire. But yellow like an animals. “Dire,” Shaun whispered in part fear and awe.

 

She glanced at the weaponry he carried and noticed the swords and daggers he carried with them and realized her folly. Only the really old vampires carried those kind of weapons with them anymore. Nowadays those charged to guard carried something that put them ahead of the game, guns. They made it easier to take down a charging Dire rhino rather than just trying to take one down with a dagger.

 

Casting a worried glance at the other, Shaun saw that that one was grunting in his struggle to pull his arms out of the floor.

 

Worrying her lip, Shaun pressed her back against the door and tried to move through it. To her horror she found out that she couldn’t. No, no, no, no, NO! Which meant only one thing, her body was producing too much adrenaline which was counteracting her ability to phase. Think calming thoughts…

 

Shaun glanced at the Dire slowly approaching her. She watched with dread as he slowly pulled out a wicked sword from a sheath on his back. Not helping! Shaun attempted to think of a way to fight him off.

 

Vampire face? Nah, he’d be more inclined to lob off my head.

 

“Truce?” Shaun offered weakly, she could’ve sworn that her heart was in her throat.

He raised his sword in reply, Shaun squeezed her eyes shut and pressed more firmly into the door willing her body to phase through.

 

Shaun could hear the whistle of his sword as he swung it through the air and it thunked into the wooden door. Confused, she opened her eyes and looked at her body. Below her knees were through the door, and other parts of herself had sunk into the floor itself.

 

“Someone who doesn’t know you is going to come by and have themselves a heart attack.”

 

Glaring upwards, Shaun met the midnight gaze of Malachi.

 

“You,” she growled.

 

“Me,” he raised an eyebrow.

 

“What do you want?” She glared as she pulled her legs through the door and floated upwards.

 

“I’m here to escort you to the negotiation room.”

 

“Alive?”

 

Amusement flickered in his eyes, “Yes. Alive, unless you prefer-”

 

“No, I have a huge preference to breathing, thank you very much.”

 

Malachi nodded his head.

 

Shaun watched him ready to strike out if need be, but knew that if he did she’d be dead, again. He was wearing a different Armani suit now. It was still back but instead had vertical white stripes going down it with a triangle handkerchief sticking out of his pocket. Underneath he wore a white shirt with a red tie with green Christmas trees on it.

 

And people say that vampires don’t have a sense of humor, Shaun thought to herself with a mental eye roll for his choice of tie. Without having to check she knew that he would be wearing black loafers since that was what he had always wore.  Just like he always wore his straight mahogany hair down.

 

“Isn’t it a tad bit early for Christmas ties?”

 

Malachi scoffed, “one must always be in the spirit of Christmas.”

 

“Bah hum bug. You just like the eggnog.”

 

“It wouldn’t be Christmas without it.”

 

Malachi walked to the door, but paused right before he opened it. “Shaun, I would ask while in the negotiations room before you know the entire situation and the circumstances, I would ask you to… how should I put this?”

 

“Keep my mouth shut?”

 

He glanced over his shoulder at her, “I was going for ‘quiet as a mouse’, but that will do as well.”

 

Shaun made a face at his back as he opened the door.

 

The guy with the sword was waiting arms folded over his chest, gaze settled on her. The sword was no where in sight.

 

Malachi whispered a few words to him. Shaun didn’t even pay attention.  The sword guy nodded his head and stepped back. Malachi walked around the one still in the floor and headed for the far door.

 

Shaun paused at the other guard. She grasped hold of his collar and pulled him up.  He immediately straightened.

 

“This doesn’t leave as big of a mess as the other way,” she said over her shoulder, noticing the huge gouge in the door.

 

“Shaun!” Malachi chastised.

 

“What? You didn’t say anything about talking outside of the negotiations room!” Shaun chastised right back.

 

He scowled at her, but didn’t say anything else.  Malachi grasped hold of the ornate handles and opened the doors.

 

Shaun braced herself for food and papers flying, insults being lobbied across the room.

 

She was right about the insults. They as of yet hadn’t resorted to throwing papers.

 

There were no name plates of ‘human, man-eating vampire, and Dire (they’re the furry ones)’. No name plate’s period. Shaun glanced around the room and noticed a heavy set man, red in the face who was one of the loudest yellers. She recognized him immediately, he was turned during the 1800’s not a blood born. But were one of those chauvinistic made vampires and one that craved organization almost as much as he did blood. 

 

There were two long tables facing each other. Since Shaun recognized most of them on the left side she figured those were where the vampires were and the other side the humans and Dire. If the Dire were even there, none of their appearances shouted Dire. But the sword guy in the other room was the first Dire that Shaun had ever met, so she wasn’t exactly sure if part of their animal appearance transferred to their human side as well.

 

Glancing around the room with a small smile, Shaun watched the vampires and possibly the humans red in the face yell at one another. She didn’t pay one ounce of attention to what was being sad. With a vampire it could be a wrong that was done to them during the 1500’s. That was one downside to being somewhat immortal; you carried a lot of grudges and hardly ever forgot them.

 

One of the possible humans drew her attention. Amidst all of the chaos and finger pointing, he sat there staring straight ahead at nothing, fingers steepled.

 

Shaun walked along the wall dragging her hands along the brick wall, watching him. She smiled at how bored he looked; she could understand if he thought that this all was utterly useless.

 

She had to admit to herself that there was something about him that intrigued her. He had wavy black hair that flowed past his collar of his soft brown leather jacket; his tanned skin that reminded her of the Mediterranean; the chiseled features with the thin blade nose and lips. He wore a soft brown shirt that clung to his torso, blue jeans and a black belt slung on his hips. Taking a peak under the table, Shaun nearly drooled at his black boots with silver buckles that he wore.

 

Something else was there… some sort of familiarity that tugged at her consciousness, continually urging her to remember him. But for reasons she couldn’t gather, she couldn’t.

 

Giving herself a mental shake, Shaun continued on towards the end of the room heading for a glass showcase. She walked right up to it studying the yellowed sheet encased in it. Her eyes nearly crossed at all the mumbo jumbo words written in black ink. She placed her hand on the glass and moved it through till she grasped the sheet. Without missing a beat she brought it out of the glass and perused it as she turned around to the quarrelling groups.

 

Instead of getting distracted by them, Shaun began folding the paper into half. She glanced up to see Malachi giving her an odd look trying to figure out what she was doing along with many other people one including the man. She flashed a smile at him before ripping into quarters. It silenced a few people, but not all of them. It took a few seconds for the others to realize that their comrades were no longer yelling by then Shaun had the halves crumpled into balls.

 

The vampires were staring at her in shock. The humans were wary of her.

 

As Malachi rushed towards her, Shaun shoved them into her mouth and swallowed.

 

The yelling started up again, this time by the vampires and the finger pointing was directed at her.

 

Shaun met the man’s gaze that amusement and confusion in his moonlight blue eyes. The noise directed at her quieted around her till it seemed that all was quiet. The world had faded away to just them. Fingers dug into her arm, just as she winked at the man. “What did I tell you?” Malachi growled into her ear.

 

She tapped her mouth.

 

Malachi’s hand tightened painfully, “You little twit, do you have any idea what you have done?”

 

 “Malachi!” One of the vampires shouted at him. A brunette female that looked half starved and spitting mad. “I want that girls head on a plate!”

 

Shaun quirked at eyebrow at him.

 

He threw his hands up in surrender, “how much more damage could you possibly cause?”

 

With a glare, Shaun left him and with an extra swagger in her step she approached the female vampire. “What were you and the humans arguing about?”

 

The female blinked at her. “Excuse me?”

 

“You and the humans what was the yelling about?”

 

“I don’t see the point-”

 

“Of course not!’ Shaun whirled around. “Someone intelligent…. Someone who doesn’t think like a vampire… YOU!” Shaun pointed at the man, “Mr. Yummy pants. What was the yelling about?”

 

A whisper rushed through the humans of “yummy pants?”

 

A corner of the man’s mouth lifted, “Whether or not there was a spelling error in part of the Compact.”

 

Shaun blinked at him for a few seconds, “Seriously?”

 

“Seriously,” He stared unsure of her.

 

“Fine,” Shaun turned to face to the vampires, “this is how it’s going to go. The compact is gone,” she burped, “Excuse me. I have a weak constitution.  Anywho, you are all dismissed.”

 

“Excuse me?” Malachi glared at her.

 

“Well, with fifteen vampires arguing over spelling, it’s never going to get the compact signed and sealed. Unless… that’s what they’re aiming for?” Shaun shot a look at them and was relieved to see most of them flush with outraged anger. “Fine if all of you can’t decide on anything, then, I’ll decide it for you.”

 

“Who the hell do you think you are?” The loud yelling male vampire asked in a shout.

 

“Shaun Andro,” she bowed, “daughter of Easley and the gypsy Aishe.”

 

The same male vampire eyes rolled back into his head and collapsed. “That’s not good,” Shaun frowned.

 

“You have got to be kidding me,” the starving female vampire spoke up. “You are a simple child. Do you have any idea who I am?” She plowed on without waiting for Shaun to answer, “I was solely appointed by Isolde to this council to draw up the compact.”

 

“Good for you,” Shaun golf clapped, “and I was appointed by Easley to see why the negotiations are taking so long for such a simple matter.” Shaun crossed her fingers behind her back.

 

“The humans-”

 

“I do not care for you excuses. You apparently have made a simple matter complicated, all of you have.” Shaun glanced at each and every one of them, “Easley will be none too please with each of you and this… mess that I have to clean up.”

 

“That’s enough,” Malachi growled once again in her ear.

 

“I haven’t even gotten started, yet.” Shaun glanced across the room surprised that he had moved, “I think for Christmas this year I’m going to get you some bells. So I’ll know exactly where you are.”

 

To her annoyance Shaun noticed Isolde waiting at the doorway. “Goody. Let me guess the evil step mother wants to see me.”

 

“She wants a word with you.” He guided her to the door.

 

“Out of curiosity… do you have your own pair of balls?”

 

He glanced sharply at her, “excuse me?”

 

“Well, you must not since you are always lead around on a leash by Isolde. If I were you, I’d be ashamed to call myself a man much less a vampire.”

 

“Watch your words.”

 

“Why what are you going to do? Kill me? Been there, done that.” Shaun jerked her arm out of his grasp.

 

“Did you think things had changed during the time you were gone?”

 

“Ever heard the saying ‘things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody’? It’s quite common among the humans.  Silly of me to think that it might actually apply to vampires.”

 

“You know how much we loathe change.”

 

“Ironic isn’t it. How most vampires will fight for things to stay the same and here they are in an era they know nothing about with humans who’ll do absolutely anything to get rid of them.”

 

“You are such a confusing creature, Shaun. One moment you are abrasive and insulting me. The next, you speak to me as if I’m a friend. Why?”

 

“Because I can’t fault you for being a lemming, Malachi. It’s all you have ever known and nothing can change it no matter how hard you try.”

 

“Lemming? Aren’t they those little creatures that jump off cliffs when their population gets too large?”

 

“Yep,” she patted his arm as they neared Isolde, “and you are exactly like them.”

 

Without missing a beat, she walked right past Isolde and the Dire guards who were frowning at her.

 

“I want to have a word with you, Shaun.” Isolde followed Shaun attempting to keep up.

 

“Could care less.”

 

Isolde stopped and spoke, “I take it by your little speech that you decided to take on the responsibility.”

 

Shaun paused in the middle of the hallway.  “Yeah, I did.” She could hear the whisper of Isolde’s tentative footsteps as she neared.

 

“You have nothing to gain from this. We offer you nothing. Why do this, Shaun?”

 

“Because I’m tired.”  Shaun continued on down the hallway, dismissing Isolde. She didn’t even care that her step mother was frowning at her back.

Author's Note

Mr. Yummy pants himself as the Pic!!!

Reviews

[Jocelyn Elizabeth]

This is a good beginning, bravo.

"Shaun quickly got her feet under her and waited. When the guard in front of her was within eight feet of her, she lunged at him."

Shaun climbed to her feet and hesitated. The guard approached, closing in at eight feet. She was a rather impatient creature, and closing the last few feet with a lunge, she lunged.

"Malachi walked to the door, but paused right before he opened it."

Malachi walked to the door, pausing before he fingers met the latch. The word, "right" really breaks up the sentence.

"But were one of those chauvinistic made vampires and one that craved organization almost as much as he did blood."

He was one of those chauvinistic made vampires, one that craved organiztion almost as much as he did blood." The only issue with the original sentence was that it was a fragment out of context. Typically, I try to live by the law, don't start a sentence with 'but". That usually means it is a fragment, same with "and". I do, however, sometimes slip. It's more of those do as I say, not as I do... sort of things.

"Shaun watched the vampires and possibly the humans red in the face yell at one another." Having possibly in here really makes this sentence a matter of inner pronunciation. For example... it could mean:

Shaun watched the vampires and maybe she wathced the red-in-the-face humans too.

Shaun watching the vampires and the members of the oppsing table whom she thought to be humans.

See what I mean?? You'd be better off just omitting the possibly. I probably could have just told you to ditch the possibly, but what would be the fun without explination, right?

"Shaun walked along the wall dragging her hands along the brick wall, watching him." AH! THE DEVIL!! I sense this is self-explanitory.

"It took a few seconds for the others to realize that their comrades were no longer yelling by then Shaun had the halves crumpled into balls." Again, there's a word inserted here that gives it a double meaning.

A few moments passed before the oppising sides realized the yelling had ceased. All eyes were on Shaun as she crumpled each corner of the page in her fist.

Mr. Yummpants. HAha. That is awsome. Nice chapter. I applaud it.