the Mystery House

The mystery house

Henry’s mom told him to go play outside because she thought he spent too much time inside watching TV. So he decided to walk over to Ben’s house where he, Owen and Jack were playing catch in the street. Henry joined in with the others. Ben threw the ball a little bit too high for Owen to catch, and the ball went rolling down the hill to where the abandoned house was at the end of the road. All four boys went chasing after it in hopes of getting it before it got to the scary house. It finally stopped in the yard of the abandoned house. The only boy brave enough to go and fetch the ball was Owen, and even he was a little scared of what could happen.

 

Owen proceeded to walk to the ball very slowly, trying not to disturb anything. When he bent down to pick up the ball, he looked at the house and got this sudden urge to go in the house, but not now. He wanted to go at night, which might not be the best idea, but it would sure be more daring at night than during the day. Owen went back to where the other boys were standing and as they were walking back he told them his idea. At first they were totally against the idea, but Owen had a way of persuading people really easily. Now everyone was on board with the plan. They would tell their parents they were having a sleepover at Ben’s house, and indeed they were. In the middle of the night they would sneak out and walk down the street to the abandoned house with nothing but themselves, flashlights, and their walkie talkies.

 

The time has finally come for the boys to meet at Ben’s house for the sleepover, but it wouldn’t be your normal sleepover. The boys had pizza for dinner and were settling in to watch a movie when they decided to put their plan into action. They snuck out of a second story window one by one climbing down a ladder that Ben secretly hid behind the bushes on the side of the house right under his bedroom window. With the boys all ready to go, they quietly and slowly, oh so very slowly, walk down the driveway and down the street toward the abandoned house.

 

They took at least 10 minutes to walk down the street to the house, when in reality it should’ve only taken 5 minutes. They stood in front of the house for a while, debating about who should go in first. This house was surprisingly the biggest house in the neighborhood. It was a 3-story house, but it was made of all wood, which made it all the more creepier. By now the wood was deteriorating and very fragile. The boys could not back down, not now; it was too late to turn back. Owen stepped up and volunteered to take the lead.

 

Owen, Jack, Henry, and Ben slowly walked up to the house together; they turned on their flashlights before stepping up to the porch. Owen kicked the door and it swung right open. The boys stepped into the house and a musty smell hit them instantly. They had formed a circle with their backs to each other thinking nothing would happen to them; if they only knew what was in store for them.

 

The boys stuck together as they passed through each room. As they went by more old, dusty, and broken furniture, the more frightened the boys got, but none of them would admit it, not even Henry, who was the wimpiest of them all. As they cleared more rooms, they got a little more comfortable being in the house. Then they decided to break off into pairs; Henry and Owen went together and Jack and Ben were paired up. That was the worst move they could have ever made.

 

Owen and Henry took the basement and Jack and Ben took the second floor. In the basement were several antique pieces and old furniture that smelled very musty. They made their way through the maze of furniture and finally found something interesting. A small wooden cedar chest with pieces of gold and silver in it.

 

Owen looks over at Henry and says “Do you know what this means, Henry?”

 “No, and I don’t think I want to find out.” Henry said.

 “It means we can take some and sell it to someone for money, we’ll be rich.” Owen said.

“I don’t like what you’re thinking Owen. Stealing is illegal even if it is from some abandoned house.” Henry exclaimed.

 “Come on no one will miss it; nobody has lived here for ages. I promise you we won’t get in trouble.” Owen urged.

 “It still won’t feel right to me. I don’t know if I can do this.” Henry said.

 “Forget you, I’m taking some and you can’t stop me from doing it.” Owen declared.

 

Owen took handfuls of the gold and silver and never thought twice about what he was doing. He stuffed as much of the treasure as he could in his pockets. Henry and Owen started to move on through the basement when they came upon another chest. Owen broke this one open just like he broke the other one open, but there was  nothing of value. They moved on again and about 15 minutes later they made their way back around to the long stretch and they could see the stairs, they were so close, but so far away. Suddenly Owen heard a very faint whisper.

He turned to Henry and said “Henry, stop whispering in my ear, it’s just creepy.”

“I’m not whispering in your ear, what are you talking about?” Henry said.

 “Henry? I don’t think we’re alone,” Owen said.  “Someone whispered in my ear, it said ‘put it back, it’s not yours, you don’t own it’.”

“You’re delusional, no one’s down here but us, Owen.”

 Owen didn’t answer, and when Henry turned around, Owen was gone.

Henry yelled, “Owen! Owen, where are you? Stop messing with me, it’s not funny, cut it out.”

But Henry still didn’t hear or see Owen anywhere. Henry came to the realization that this wasn’t a joke.  Owen really had disappeared, and he could be next.

 

Henry started to run as fast as his little stick legs could carry him toward the staircase. When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he started to hear the voice that Owen was talking about, it kept saying “you’re next.” Over and over again. It didn’t stop until he got to the top of the stairs and closed the door to the basement. As soon as he shut the door, he got on his walkie talkie and contacted Jack and Ben.

Henry said “We need to go, NOW.”

 Jack responded “Why? We just got to the fun part.”

 “Well will this change your mind?”

 “What?” Jack said.

 “You know how Owen and I went down to the basement?” Henry exclaimed.

“Yeah, Why?” Jack muttered.

 “Well Owen heard a whisper, and the next thing I know, he’s gone and now I’m alone; that’s why we need to go.”

“Oh that’s so scary.” Jack said sarcastically.

 “I bet you’re making that up because you’re too scared to be here anymore. You were always the most scared out of all of us.” Jack said

“I’m not making it up, it actually happened, why would I lie about something like that; and I’m not the most scared out of us four.”

 “Ok, I do not want to get into it right now, just tell me where you are and I’ll come and find you.” Henry exclaimed.

 “Ok, first you have to go find the spiral staircase that looks like they built it around a tree.” Jack said.

Henry walked around from room to room and finally found the staircase; he contacted Jack and said “Ok, I found the staircase and I am walking up it.”

Jack responded, “Don’t walk up all the way to the top, there are multiple floors. From where you are walk up the stairs and stop at the first floor you hit - do not go any farther than that.”

“Got it, I’ll be there in a minute.” Henry said.

When Henry reached the second floor, he reached Jack on his walkie talkie and said, “Ok I got to the second floor, what room are you in, Jack?”

Ben answered this time “I’m in the fifth room on your left.”

 Henry ran down the hall counting the doors as he went. He reached the fifth door and tried to open it but it was locked. Henry tried to reach Ben on his walkie talkie but there was no answer. How was Henry going to get it open? Henry racked his brain of ways to open the door. He could try to ram it open with his body or he could hit it with the butt of his flashlight and try to get it open. Henry decided to try the body ram first. He rammed it at least 15 times and nothing. Henry yelled for Ben; Ben yelled back, but it was a very faint yell, like it was a very far distance away. Henry then tried to hit the door with the butt of his flashlight, but it still didn’t work, and now Henry was alone and with no flashlight because when he hit the door with it he accidently dropped it and the light went out. Henry called for Ben again but this time Ben’s yell was fainter than the last, “Henry, help me, you have to get that door open. It’s the only way to save you and me.” Ben yelled.

 “I’m trying my hardest. I have no light now and can’t see a thing.” Henry yelled back.

 

Henry tried one last time to use his body as a ram to get the door open. He counted to three. On three he ran from the other side of the hall into the door, and to his surprise he hit it hard enough that it opened. “Ben, Ben where are you?” Henry screamed. “I’m in the closet” said Ben. Henry ran over to the closet and yanked it open, but there was no Ben, just his flashlight and walkie talkie.

 

Henry yelled for Ben once more and to his surprise he heard him but could not see him. Henry was baffled on where Ben might have disappeared to. He picked up Ben’s flashlight and turned it on and searched the room for any trap doors. Just when he was about to lose hope he found it, a trap door in the closet, the place that Ben must have been dragged down to.

 

Henry was conflicted if he should open the trap door and try to save his friend or if he should turn around and run away. He tried to contact Jack, finally after several tries Jack answered. “Where are you?” Henry asked.

 “I’m upstairs on the very top floor. Where are you?” Jack answered.

 “I’m on the second floor. I just lost Ben; I think he fell through a trap door” Henry exclaimed.

 “Ok stay where you are, I will come to you. I see the end of the hall where the stairs are, it shouldn’t be long.” Jack said.

 “Okay, just hurry Jack; I don’t want anything to happen to you too.” Henry said.

 “I am walking down the stairs now, it shouldn’t be long now.” Jack said.

 “Do you want me to come to the end of the hall where the stairs are?” Henry asked in a scared voice. “Sure, it doesn’t make a difference to me if you do or not.”

 

Jack got to the second floor to where Henry was.

Henry, relieved, said “I’m so glad to see you. I saw Owen disappear, and then Ben disappeared. Should we go and try to save Ben; I’m pretty sure he’s in a secret trap door in this room over here.”

 “Okay let’s go check it out.” Jack said

“Okay let’s do this.” Henry said.

 Jack and Henry went into the room that Ben was in when he went missing. Henry led Jack to the closet where the trap door was. “Should we open it up?” Jack asked.

 “It’s your call, Jack.” Henry said.

 “Okay I think we should both open it up….. On three. 1...2...3!”

At the same time they yanked it open and what did they find? Nothing; there was no one there. Ben was missing.

“Who could be doing this?” Henry asked.

“I don’t know, I can’t think of a reasonable explanation of why this is happening.” Jack said.

“Well what do we do now? Should we leave or take a chance and look around some more?” Henry said.

“We should leave, there’s no use in looking around more, we just run into the risk of one or both of us disappearing.” Jack said.

Henry and Jack stood in silence for a minute or so. After what felt like an hour, they left the room thinking it might be the wrong room; and walked down the hall to the next room on the left, but it wasn’t the wrong room, Ben just wasn’t there.

“So Ben really did disappear.” Jack said.

“Yep, I guess so.” Henry said.

“What do we do now? Should we just go or try to save them?” Jack asked.

“I don’t think there is anything we can do to save them, plus I wouldn’t even know where to start.” Henry said.

“You really think there’s nothing we can do to save either one of them?” Jack exclaimed.

“Yeah, that’s what I think, sadly, but true.” Henry said.

 

Jack and Henry walked out of the room and headed down the stairs in silence. As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Henry looked behind him and saw that Jack was farther behind than he should be. He took a harder look at Jack and noticed that he had blood oozing out of his side.

“OH MY GOD….. Jack, what happened to you?” Henry asked in terror.

“I don’t know. It happened so fast.” said Jack, gasping for air between each word.

“We need to get you outta here, it’s not safe.” Henry said.

Henry put his arm around Jack and helped him walk through the house to the front door. Slowly they walked through the maze of old musty furniture, but before Henry could get Jack to the front door, Jack collapsed and passed out from the loss of blood. Henry tried to pick him up, but it was no use. Henry’s toothpick arms weren’t strong enough. He tried dragging him, but that didn’t work either because there was too much furniture in the way.

 

What was Henry going to do? He couldn’t just leave Jack there to bleed out and die. Henry paced back and forth, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Henry was usually very good at coming up with ideas to get out of sticky situations, but nothing like this. His mind drew a blank and he just stood there thinking; what was he going to do?

“Think Henry, think.” Henry said aloud.

Henry had his back to Jack, and when he turned around Jack was nowhere to be seen.

“Jack, Jack where are you?” Henry screamed in fear.

What was Henry going to do now? Probably the only thing he could do; find his way out of the house and go home. He ran through the maze of furniture, hoping he wouldn’t get trapped in the house. He finally made it to the front door. Henry ran out of the abandoned house and ran back to his house. He burst through the door and ran up the stairs to his parent’s room, where they were sound asleep. He woke them up and frantically told them what had happened. He was talking so fast that his parents could not understand what he was saying, and once they could they didn’t believe him.

 

Henry went to his room and thought about how he was going to make them believe him, that Owen, Ben, and Jack all went missing in the house. He sat on his bed thinking for the longest time of how to make them believe. It was impossible; they wouldn’t believe anything he would say. He finally gave up and lay down and tried to go to sleep; but he was so traumatized that he couldn’t even close his eyes. Every time Henry closed his eyes he would see his friends disappearing, or hear the voice from the basement.

 

Morning rolled around and Ben’s mom went to his room to wake the boys up, but all she found was sleeping bags and an open window. She panicked and called Jack’s mom to see if the boys were there, but they weren’t. She called Henry’s mom but she said the only boy here was Henry; Ben’s mom then called Owen’s mom but she said none of the boys were there.

 

After Henry’s parents got the call from Ben’s mom, they thought maybe Henry wasn’t lying, but they still thought it was totally absurd that the other boys would disappear in a house that nobody lived in. Henry’s mom and dad woke Henry up and wanted to talk to him. They thought maybe they could get more information about what happened to the other boys. Still thinking Henry was lying and that the other boys couldn’t have just disappeared like they did, Henry’s dad sat down to talk to him.

 “So what really happened to Ben, Owen, and Jack; we need to know?” Henry’s dad said.

“I’m telling you, they disappeared in the house, I was the only one to make it out” Henry said fearfully.

“Son, that’s impossible nobody can just disappear in a house nobody lives in. I know you’re not telling the truth” Henry’s dad said.

“But I am telling the truth, you have to believe me.” Henry said.

 

“Honey, can you come here for a minute? I need to talk to you.’ Henry’s mom said.

“What is it, Jen? Henry’s dad said.

“Daniel, I think Henry really is telling the truth about the other boys,” Henry’s mom said.

“I just got off the phone with Ben’s mom and she said she has no idea where the boys are and neither does Owen’s mom.” Henry’s mom said.

“Oh, so you really think Henry’s telling the truth?” Henry’s dad said.

“Yes, I do think he’s telling the truth; whether you want to believe it or not, it’s up to you.” Henry’s mom said.

“I guess you make a good point, he probably is telling the truth.” Henry’s dad said.

 

“Henry, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you said your friends went missing in the abandoned house.” Henry’s dad said.

“Thanks for apologizing dad.” Henry said.

 

Later that day a police report was placed concerning Jack, Owen, and Ben. One day later Henry was looking out his window and saw the police turn the corner onto Ben’s street, which is the street where the abandoned house is, and he knew they were going there where his friends disappeared. Henry walked down to the abandoned house in hopes that the police did not go in so he could warn them of what could happen. He was just looking out for the policemen but his warning did not stop them from going inside. Henry stood outside the house waiting for the police to come out but they never did.

 

Henry went down to the police station and told them the policemen disappeared in the house. What was making everybody disappear? He went home and got on the computer hoping to find information of the last owner of the house. After many days of researching, he finally found out that the previous owner was a man named James Nelson; who died in the house.

“I think that’s why it’s making disappearing. Does this mean the house is haunted?” Henry thought aloud

 “The ghost of James Nelson has to be haunting the house, no doubt.” Henry said.

Henry went downstairs and told his parents what he had learned, and they were very surprised to hear this news.

“I’m surprised, but once you said it aloud I guess it does make sense, don’t you think, Daniel.” Henry’s mom said.

“Yeah it does make sense.” Henry’s dad said.

“What should we do now?” Henry asked.

“Well there’s not much we can do, except to NEVER go in that abandoned house EVER again.” Henry’s mom said.

“Agreed, I am never going near that house again.” Henry said.

“That’s a good idea.” Henry’s dad said.

 

After all the drama of everyone disappearing in the abandoned house, we can safely say nobody ever went near that house ever again; and no one knows what exactly happened to the kids and policemen who entered the house. Some people say it was the ghost of the person who lived there last, some people say it was a maniac killer who secretly lives in the house. What is your theory???

Reviews

[ValyrieKiennan]

Excellent attempt! Now to improve, I would recommend learning about the difference between "showing" and "telling". By telling your reader everything, they have little opportunity to interact with the text and insert themselves into the narrative. When you say "Henry's mom told him to play outside because she thinks he watches too much t.v.", you are telling your reader. This sentence is uninteresting. Why would the reader care about this fact? However, if you were to show Henry's mom's carefully growing frustration with Henry's lack of desire to interact with the real world, that would resonate much more with your audience. Be sure to read your work out loud in order to catch awkward sentences/phrases; wherever your voice naturally stumbles, you need to work on that part of the text!

Great work, keep writing! We look forward to your future pieces.

Cheers,

VK