The Dying of Jebediah O'Higgins

A rather short and humorous story

Jebediah O'higgins grabbed at his chest in the middle of a fully booked restaurant, and his wife let out a gasp across the table, for she knew his heart must have been sputtering.

Then Jebediah fell to the floor, his face scrunched in pain. His wife screamed, "His heart's given up on him! Somebody get a doctor!"

Nearby, a fine-suited man aggressively threw his silverware down with force sufficient enough to shatter his plate. He then ran over to Jebediah's table, where he lay grunting in pain.

"Excuse me, Ma'am, I'm a f****n' doctor. Lemme help!"

Jebediah sat up "No! Don't you dare!"

"Wh-why not? I'm a doctor! I can save your life!" The doc replied.

"Because, damnit! Haven't you heard that song?" The dying man scavenged his last breath and burst into singing:

~~"If I claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that i don't know"~~

"But, sir, I'm a cardiologist."

"Of course you are! But I'd never trust a damned doctor with a matter as serious as my life and health!"

And, with those being his last words, the pain of Mr. O'higgins' heart did take him away. No longer would he sit through mediocre date night meals with his aging wife.

"No! Don't leave me Jeb!" Cried his wife.

"Ma'am, your husband was somewhat of an imbecile, wasn't he?" Asked the doctor.

"Oh, yes he was, beyond any doubt. He was a man of the dullest capacities. A thick witted twit, cross-eyed and vulgar in demeanor."

"Yeah... Okay well I'm gonna get back to my spaghetti. You have a nice evening ma'am."

The doctor stepped over Jebediah's lifeless body, back to his own table.

"You too doctor, merry Christmas." Replied the lady.

Author's Note

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