I've finally started writing my first book, and I'm interested to know what you guys think of the first paragraph. Since the opening is, arguably, the most important part.
The gray clouds that hung heavily above the serene, grassy hills of Bardima parted for a moment, almost purposefully to give pause amidst the torrents of rain that'd been falling all evening. The sunlight which shone through the gap fell gracefully, and with warmth, upon the smiling face and strong shoulders of Alexander, a young warrior. He had been strolling in the rain searching for something, though not sure what it was. Something had been calling him out to the wilderness lately, that much was certain. It was like a small voice, whispering from a distance, reaching out to him from behind the hills. He raised his head upward, in thanksgiving to the skies, and held out his hands as if to hold a cup of fresh sunlight.
"Aleeex!" a woman's voice cried out from behind him, "Aren't you coming home? I made supper and it's getting cold!"
Alexander turned around and was pleasantly surprised by the sight of his wife, Evelyn. She was leaning against a tree, arms clutching a basket full of bread, boar meat, and various fruits native to the land. Her hair was in a neat braid reaching the middle of her back, her skin was quite fair, and she had a face that was kind and beautiful like summer's warmth.
"Love, what would I do without you?" Alexander called back, chuckling. He'd begun walking towards her.
"Most likely starve, and freeze to death in the cold rain!" Evelyn playfully replied. "What in the heavens are you doing out here, anyway?"
"I can't explain it, darling." said Alexander. When he reached his wife, he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulled her in close, then closed his eyes and kissed her soft, cold lips. "Come, let's go inside and light a fire. I didn't realize how chilly it was out here."
Let me start off by saying thank you for sharing your work with the community. It’s a little hard to gauge your story by a single paragraph, but here is my opinion. Overall, I think it’s a good start. As a reader I find it compelling. I’m curious as to what has been calling to Alexander. Based on this excerpt the story seems opened ended and I actually want to know what direction you’re looking to take it. Personally, I would rephrase a few things, but each writer has their own writing style. An example of this is the part where you wrote, “a burly young man.” I would have woven that into the sentence differently to better describe is physique. In my opinion it ends the sentence rather flat, but that’s just a little criticism. You have a good start to a story and I encourage you finish writing your story and get it published.
Thanks man, I'll look it over and redraft it. My plan is to take it slow, and make sure each page is.. read moreThanks man, I'll look it over and redraft it. My plan is to take it slow, and make sure each page is great, instead of trying to just get the words on the page
6 Years Ago
No problem, us writers must encourage and help each other out when possible. Keep writing and take y.. read moreNo problem, us writers must encourage and help each other out when possible. Keep writing and take your time there’s no rush. I think we have the same mind set when it comes to wanting every page to be perfect. I’ve been working on my first book for several years and I’m finally on the last chapter. It has been a long journey but it’s worth the wait. My only advice to you is to not get caught up on a single page or section for too long. You might spend so much time on one section that you’ll never continue your story, sadly this is a common pit fall trap that I’ve noticed. Remember as a writer you will always be your toughest critic. I look forward to seeing how your story progresses.
6 Years Ago
Congrats on making it all the way to the last chapter, and thanks for all the encouragement, much re.. read moreCongrats on making it all the way to the last chapter, and thanks for all the encouragement, much respect. I'll post excerpts from this book i'm writing occasionally
Let me start off by saying thank you for sharing your work with the community. It’s a little hard to gauge your story by a single paragraph, but here is my opinion. Overall, I think it’s a good start. As a reader I find it compelling. I’m curious as to what has been calling to Alexander. Based on this excerpt the story seems opened ended and I actually want to know what direction you’re looking to take it. Personally, I would rephrase a few things, but each writer has their own writing style. An example of this is the part where you wrote, “a burly young man.” I would have woven that into the sentence differently to better describe is physique. In my opinion it ends the sentence rather flat, but that’s just a little criticism. You have a good start to a story and I encourage you finish writing your story and get it published.
Thanks man, I'll look it over and redraft it. My plan is to take it slow, and make sure each page is.. read moreThanks man, I'll look it over and redraft it. My plan is to take it slow, and make sure each page is great, instead of trying to just get the words on the page
6 Years Ago
No problem, us writers must encourage and help each other out when possible. Keep writing and take y.. read moreNo problem, us writers must encourage and help each other out when possible. Keep writing and take your time there’s no rush. I think we have the same mind set when it comes to wanting every page to be perfect. I’ve been working on my first book for several years and I’m finally on the last chapter. It has been a long journey but it’s worth the wait. My only advice to you is to not get caught up on a single page or section for too long. You might spend so much time on one section that you’ll never continue your story, sadly this is a common pit fall trap that I’ve noticed. Remember as a writer you will always be your toughest critic. I look forward to seeing how your story progresses.
6 Years Ago
Congrats on making it all the way to the last chapter, and thanks for all the encouragement, much re.. read moreCongrats on making it all the way to the last chapter, and thanks for all the encouragement, much respect. I'll post excerpts from this book i'm writing occasionally
Greetings, reader. Please do enjoy this music I've prepared for you, and don't be too bashful to take a peek at some of my writings.
My poem titled "Ah, To Float in My Boat" is one of my personal .. more..