Neon

Let me make you feel.

You make me feel electric.

Blue Neon,

Lost in a sea.

My stomach Squirms,

Butterflies to the touch.

   -touch me.

Fire like the sun below,

The stars above.

You hold me.

   -hold me.

I feel it in your hands,

Electric.

Your lips.

Electric.

This is what love is

(supposed to feel like).

Author's Note

As always: Please help.

Reviews

[GamingGal]

Pros: This poem carries so much emotion, makes the reader feel this emotion and understand this love. It's amazing, really. And I love the "touch me" and "hold me" parts. It's....like an aside of sorts. Draws our attention to those few words. And I'm loving the stuff in parenthesis at the end. Quite a nice touch.

Cons: None really.

Overall: A very nice poem that I quite enjoyed. Good work :)

[Amy Vaughn]

Wow, the way you wrote that was amazing. I started singing "Electric Feel" by MGMT in my head when I was reading it. The ending was absolutely fabulous, but then again the entire poem was. I like the "-touch me" "-hold me" parts the most. It really brought the reader's attention to that part of the poem and gave it more of a backbone so to speak.

[Brad Baum]

I really enjoyed this write. The dialogue that the speaker creates with herself/himself is fantastic. You seem to pose questions and answers, and then turn them on yourself/the speaker. Your imagery is also really good, paint a picture of the electricity, the chemistry that exists between these two people. Also liked how you changed up the format a bit. Really interesting write.