Blue Paint

Blue.

The walls are blue.

                         -Were blue.

Now, the paint chips.

 

This used to be a house of god.

No one lives here now.

 

                        -We use our voices to fill the empty space.

We sing so that we know we are alive,

In this house of god.

 

In the house of a god who turned on his people,

He turned too many times.

Now his house is empty.

 

People used to praise him here.

Welcome her in her Sabbath dress.

Now there is no one.

 

We pray.

We pray to a god that turned his back,

                       -Too many times he turned.

We sing to see if he is listening.

We turn our backs as if the Sabbath bride is shy,

But we know the truth:

 

She is not coming.

 

God doesn’t live here anymore.

Author's Note

Nit pick. Criticize. Critique.
I Need it.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for reviewing.
-Alice

Reviews

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

Interesting piece~ I like the form of stanza's, and I was thinking "Blue" could relate to the sadness in the house?
I don't know, but beautiful job!

[Brad Baum]

I like that you introduce a duality in this poem: the physical breakdown of the building along with the loss of faith. The poem is a powerful one, questioning faith and the presence of God in life. I especially like the first stanza where the speaker talks about the chipping of the paint. Just some great, simple imagery that sets the tone for the rest of the piece.

[KAREN]

It'sad when A house of God becomes empty loke our hearts! Nice job!

[Exotic Topics]

I'm not sure if you wanted to make this one of those poems that isn't quite complete, yet is. Or if you're trying to lay out an entire poem. [if that makes sense] I think you may want to try defining your style a little bit by not making things too random in one spot, yet not random anywhere else.
Like those random lines that start with -, if you're going to use them, it feels there should be more used. And if you aren't, then it feels like a better description of what's going on would be preffered. Because currently I'm just sort of confused. It's a really nice idea/concept and I can sense the originality. I hope you keep working on projects like this. :)

[Amy Vaughn]

"We use our voices to fill the empty space.
We sing so that we know we are alive,
In this house of god."

That's my favorite part.