Albino Temptress

Tangles of softness

And slanting of mirrors,

Reflection of direction

That is competly lost.

Shifting light,

Dancing feet.

Light cloth against pale skin,

Albino spirit with angel eyes.

Haunting whispers

Tickle

The hairs of your neck.

Don't confide secrets,

They become her noose,

She'll leave you dangling

From her ivory arm,

Neck and spirit broken.

 

 

Author's Note

do any of you have a better suggestion for a title? What comes to mind wen reading this? Does it make any sense? Tell me what u think XD

Reviews

[Kayte Anne]

I think something simpler for a title might be better; "Albino Temptress" is lovely but too cumbersome for a poem with such condensed thoughts. Perhaps (and this is only my recommendations, remember YOU, my dear, are the author) "Light Cloth Against Pale Skin", or simply "Haunting"? Anyways, as for the poem, I like it. I would mess with some of the lines to make it flow better (the fourth line, for example, is a barricade) but all in all it's strong and makes as much sense as it needs to. I am enraptured by the last five lines in specific.

[Lexi Nicole]

I'm loving the imagery and overall tone of the piece. I feel that, however, to make it a little more effective, you might want to adjust some of the grammar. Maybe if you split into two or three stanzas, breaking off into a new section at some the stanzas. It's a wonderful idea either way- like I said, the imagery is great and it has a definite set tone and pretty decent flow. It just needs a little bit of tidying up.

[BeckyBoodles]

Love it! "Tangles of softness

And slanting of mirrors,

Reflection of direction

That is competly lost."

That's my favorite part. When it starts out, I feel like it's about loneliness. Then it shifts into something more ghostly and haunting, and the last part makes me think about not being able to confide in people, because your secrets can become your downfall.