Pulling Strings to Survive

For the pullin' on strings contest.

Pulling on Strings to Survive

by Erin L George

 

This love's got an expiration date

and I'm pulling strings to survive.

The water bill's due on Thursday -

Cashed in all my change, $15.65.

 

The clock is ticking toward our fate

and I try to hold on tight -

fingers bleeding veiny strength

pulling up your weight.

 

My hope's got an expiration date

and I'm pulling strings to survive.

The baby hasn't had a warm bath -

late at night she cries.

 

My watch is broken, like my heart:

Do you have the time?

Payday isn't for two weeks,

nature's evil crime.

 

Your promise has an expiration date

and I'm pulling strings to survive.

I made a deal with the electric company -

financial suicide, 365.

Reviews

[Alessander]

Bills! god, I hear you...but I like how this work goes back and forth, from the seemingly mundane burden of bills, to the more metaphysical burden of love...but it's a two front war, and the narrator seems overwhelmed.

I like the stucture, it's original, and the refrain effectively builds a sense of forboding and urgency, like something's gona snap...I have a few suggestions - you begin with true rhyme "Survive/15.65) but later, it dwindles to assonance "survive/crime/9" etc. I know it's hard to rhyme in the English language without altering the content, but that's the challenge...so maybe think of using true rhyme throughout? Although, if this is more like a "Blues" song, which I also get the sense of, then don't be so anal:)
Also, the two refraining lines, which are always VERY important to a poem, is classic mixed metaphors. Expiration Date conjures up Milk, or something of the like, and pulling on strings, just that - But then again, maybe that's what you were going for.

Otherwise, I liked it. Rewarding read.

[Wicahpi]

Financial Suicide....AMEN!
It's a never-ending nightmarish muck!
LoL Well done & Good Luck!

Congrats on the Contest Award!

[Coyote Poetry]

The new world. Where I work. People have no money for lunch. Old people eat or medicine. We are in for more hard times. Paying for useless War 1.2 trillion dollars is more important then the common man. Next election we need to vote this Senate and House out. A powerful poem.