My Husband, My Strength

My husband. My Strength.

Confusion has set in.  The weight of our lives feels suffocating.  I find it hard to cope with so many things.  Sylar. Myself. Jonathan.  Amanda.  My four doctors; Dr. Newcomb, Dr. Croitouro, Dr. Young, and my councilor Patricia Alexander.  The bills stare at me in an ever looming ever bulding tower of hopeless debt.  My sister is difficult to watch as she has pain even trying to walk.  My mother.  My sisters.  My In-laws, they try for understanding and don't know the pain they cause.  My dreams; home and babys.  Work.  My father.  My grandparents. My relationship with God.       I don't know anyone without problems, differences, and pain.  I only know my acute realization that my worries don't go away by closing my eyes. The knowledge that by hurting myself I can cause others pain.  I look in the mirror with the knowledge that my actions, thoughts, and fears can hurt those that I love.  I fear my next wrong move.  I clench my teeth at the thought of falling into a hole with no bottom.  Will I have the strength I need?  I contemplate questions where there are no answers.       I find myself tired of running.  Tired of trying.  Tired of causing my own hell.   My strength to go on, head held high, comes from places least expected.  My quiet Strength holds me day and night.  My Strenth wins my hope. Wrestling my fears into submission.  Creating firm ground to stand on.  A safe hole to gain my footing.  My Strength holds me though it feels as if the slightest mistep means unimaginable despair.         This is my pain.  This is my guilt.  That I would need Him.  That I would need his Strength while mine fails me.        There are no words.

Reviews

[Jon Klement]

This has the potential to be something really powerful, but it needs some polish.

There are a few minor editorial tweaks that would shine it up quite a bit.

Line 1: It looks like, from your use of capitalization later on, that the Husband you are reffering to is God. If this is the case, then "Husband" should be capitalized here as well as "Strength".

Paragraph 1: Whenever we write anything, we are attempting to paint a picture in the mind of the reader that compels them to care about what you are writing. The string of names here isn't really gripping. Who's Sylar? Who's Jonathan? Who's Amanda? Why are they so stressful in the life of your first person character?Why should I care?

With only a little more additional information added, the reader will care more. For example, instead of just saying,

Sylar. Jonathan. Amanda.

you could say,

Sylar's stack of heroin needles. Jonathan's last letter from prison. Amanda's positive pregnancy test.

Aha! NOW there is are reasons for readers to understand why having these poeple in one's life is so stressful. Readers may even relate to drug addiction, having a loved one in prison, or an untimely pregnancy and that may engage them emotionally even more in your writing.

Leaving the names as undescribed mystery people doesn't make people care.

Spell check is good. "babys" should be "babies."

Next paragraph: Pretty good. Consistent with your message and theme. If I made ti through yoru first paragraph and am still reading, this will keep em going.

Next paragraph: Spell check again: "Strenth" should be "Strength"

Conclusion: "There are no words." Of course there are! You just wrote four paragrpahs of them above this statement.

This all may sound pretty harsh, but I assure you, I LIKE this piece and that's why I take the time to write this to you. I hope it helps make your writng even more poignant.