a patch of senryu

a patch of senryu

arrival of morning

sun taps on my window

shades closed

reckless abandon

heart on the auction block

sold cheap

apparent swoon

embarrassed red

your stop sign exposed

fine array of birds

supping on bread crumbs

chirp their thanks

erin-cilberto

2/25/25

Reviews

[Lorry]

And what a fine patch they are Jacob.
From the days beginning to the trepidation of actually living it, putting our hearts on that chopping block again and the hope that no one pulls that lever, through to the fears of being exposed, all the while we humans over-complicate our lives with thoughts and meaning, until we finally notice our feathered friends with their theme tune of song and thanks for the simplest of things.
Very nicely done.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate your review, Lorry,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I read this patch of senryu as a story j initially, but each senryu can also stand alone. The first and third are my favourites. The first one is super visual and speaks to me of sorrow or even depression. From the sun’s perspective it could also represent disappointment at not being able to light the room up. Such lovely poetic expression here.


The third senryu is also very visual. I can put myself in that situation and cringe at the outcome. Awkward.

I liked them all, but then I have always been fond of this form.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I like where you took that first one...and I am not sure if they go together or not...I just write them.
thank you,
j.

[DIVYA]

There was something sad about the sun tapping on windows with closed shades. Written beautifully!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, my friend. I hadn't meant for these to be read as one poem, more like 4 senryu and that just came out like this...but maybe they were meant to be together as one whole...I don't know...but I appreciate your kind comment.
j.

[DIVYA]

Somehow, the first senryu had that effect on me. I read the senryus in continuation but each is special, indeed.

You're most welcome, my friend.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

A chick would never sell itself cheep. But hens are incredibly expensive these days, so who knows? I won't even remark on the price of eggs. Never sell yourself cheap. I'd recommend never selling out either. Honor is worth keeping even if it can't keep us warm at night. Sex is overrated and love is mostly confusion spouted by novices to the practice. Hey, at least your birds are thankful. Great work, as always and a pleasure to read.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thanks for the smile...we need them these days.
Hope you are well, my friend,
j.

[K. Louis]

wow..i love the imagery here -- the morning sun tapping on the window shades is such a vivid start. And "heart on the auction block" really grabs my attention. It suggests a sense of loss of control and vulnerability. The language is concise and i think that works well for the poem, making it feel more intimate and honest.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, K.....I appreciate your kind review...even though they are separate senryu...I guess they could work as one poem...
j.

[K. Louis]

I guess I should have known that from your title..admittedly i didn't know what a "senryu" was. Now I do. Read separately now, it still doesn't change the way that you've captured brief moments and insights into emotions really beautifully.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Oh gosh, I wasn't being corrective...just explaining, but maybe subconsciously, I was linking these in my mind as I was writing them.
Either way, I will keep the four together with that title...and thanks again for your kind words...
j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A patch of great Senrus. Nothing cures loliness and heartache like nature.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Cowboy!
j.