Baby Grand

Baby Grand

 

 

 

the ivories

paint tunes

of black and white madness

keys carve sadness

as loons dive under

in ponds of illusion

 

sheet music

smooth

like those ponds at sunset

deceiving the composer

Who can't read sheet music

and just plays by deaf ear

 

crazy fingers play slant rhyme

and mournful blues

 

feel right at home

swimming to the bottom

of life

where the song ends.

 

 

erin-cilberto

10.31/24

Reviews

[Eilis]

Love how you carried this metaphor through. From the haunting cry of the loon to the song ending. That ending feels like finality. I enjoyed how the last stanza sort of sank under the water. I have an image of nothing being visible but bubbles. There’s a sense of tension between the music and its ending that works so well. Great work, Jacob.

[andrew mitchell]

Another fine write J but I'm seeing red at the moment more than anything, a banana Republic

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Too much red.
thank you, andrew,
j.

[Lorry]

I hate to get all hip on your a*s Jacob, but how did you do that, make me hear that tune build from its chaotic beginnings to a smooth and recognisable tune that explained to me perfectly what you were hearing and feeling.... Daddy O! 😃
(Yes, I do have a fixation with that phrase, which is the polar opposite of what I feel about fake hipsterdom)
Even the end feels like it's drowning in an unexpected struggle, which I'd how I am currently feeling waking up to the election result right now!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I stayed up most of the night until it was clear who won...very long night and it will be a very long 4 years...
j.

[Lorry]

Unless the big beard guy in the clouds takes pity on you and makes the next bullet land smack bang in the middle of the oompah loompa's face!
Well, we can hope anyway.

[Writergurl]

This is so creative, love this write.
Awesome write

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Writergurl,
j.

[light and ashes]

The last stanza is a masterpiece,
but the first stanza pulled me right in, immediately.
So I guess, I'd say, overall, amazing job.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for the kind words, light,
j.

[Tom]

Sheet music, flat, still ponds, slant rhyme and crazy diving birds, could be the composer is very close to flat lining out as life seems to becoming rather vague, bereft of imagination and a soul..

Intriguing, marvelous metaphorical poem Jacob, always a joy to read & review even though I have to really think about it for a minute or two though that is joy of reading your work!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

You are very kind, Tom...thank you.
j.

[Pryde Foltz]

Oh Jacob, but you are a master of metaphor and not even a little bit florid in your execution. You are fine, fine poet. Always a privilege to read you.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind words, Pryde,
j.

[Phoenix]

I liked how you first describes the piano by saying the ivories pait tunes of black and white and then sheet music, it just gave me a mental image of someone playing one under lone ceilings, oh and the words though they made me sad I think they hit something relatable.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Phoenix.
j.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

a wonderful ode to a piano. i tried learning the instrument before, i never got far with it though. but this makes me want to pick it up again. i preferred playing sad pieces... which says more about me than i'd like to admit.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and poets tend to write much more sad poetry than happy poetry.
Thank you for sharing, Ern.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

true, true.

[Dave W.]

I like the ideas of madness and sadness both created with the same keys, thank you for sharing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Dave,
j.