inebriated pens and unfinished poems

inebriated pens and unfinished poems

 

 

 

 

the poet's complexity

is a standing-room only crowd

of withering thoughts

Creativity was the theme of the cocktail party

 

but the drunks fell over their own versions

of life

the phrasing tipsy

Rhymes argued

there was uncomfortable silence

 

dramatic pause

empirical loneliness

the silent drive home

 

the poem never quite made it

and the pen behind the wheel

didn't survive the crash.

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/17/24

Reviews

[Relic]

And the bystanders probably didn't understand the whole thing.

I'm not one for complexity in writing. I tried reading it, I always wound up going back to simplicity.
The only thing for me now is to wait long enough to see my own mistakes before posting.

I liked this one, J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Relic,
j.

[Soren]

Too true. Poems written, debated in one's head and in the end abadoned as the victim of a crash. Wonderful approach and metaphor to this. Even when finished attacked by others and criticised they remain another victim of the crash. Very nice my friend so well written

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind review,
j.

[Chris]

The "reality" in this one ...hurts. Too often our perceptions do that - hurt - don't they?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Chris.
and agreed....

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

ohhh, this brings back memories of when i drowned my sorrows in drink. an all-standing bar where everyone is constantly shuffling around and talking is what living in my head feels like, sometimes. a great metaphor too: that an unfinished poem is like a car crash. an all too common tragedy about lost potential. the link between the title and the final line was satisfying.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind review, Ern,
j.

[Tumi]

This poem captures the turbulence of the creative process with vivid imagery and clever metaphors. The contrast between the potential for creativity and its chaotic unraveling is powerful, and the final lines leave a haunting impression. Excellent work in conveying both the beauty and the struggle of artistic expression.
well penned, Bravo!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, tumi,
j.

[Kelly Scheppers]

You pen such masterpieces, Jacob. We, your readers, learn so much from the way in which you fine tune your craft, with every single poem you post. I applaud you for that, and admire it so much!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind words, Kelly,
j.

[Desert Knave]

The inebriated pen tends to be a 50/50 proposition with me, even if the finished product's chance of being readable is likely 1 in 10. Nice write. ~Jim

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Jim,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

Love the last stanza j. Thanks for the smile, it’s all admiration on your works, great poem