the girl on the train

the girl on the train

 

 

In the compost

of footnotes

I became an irrelevant 

conclusion

 

after a life filled with

ephemeral importance

like a species dying out

my existence saw potential

 

which was like a unicorn

dressed as a white elephant

I crowded the room with my

incompetence

 

I was Hemingway's hills

the man pressing for a shallow response

to a vacuous comment

irrelevance is the bloodhound tracking

 

the prey with no real existence

just a being crowding a room

leaving none for the ones who have meaning

as King of Nothing, I vacate the crown

 

it is time to find a girl on the train

who might just tag along for the ride

expecting the unexpected---

that I may just surprise her

 

with some formerly uncovered brilliance

or maybe I could just write her a poem

 

and show her what I could have been.

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/8/24

Reviews

[Arundass TP]

Nicely written poem. Enjoyed well

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Arundass,
j.

[John the Baptist]

I get the impression the speaker here once had great literary ambitions but now, years later, feels second rate. There are many metaphors in this one, all leading back to the theme of disappointment. I am sure there are those who see more in the writer's work than the King of Nothing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your insightful review, my friend.
j.

[redzone]

Talk about brilliance, Jacob this is a brilliant poem of introspection (too harshly in my opinion) of your self worth. I am always amazed at how you use metaphor(s) in your poems. "Hemingway's hills", I am not sure what this means exactly, but it made me feel like a need to try for excellence, but failing as I read the rest of that verse. It seems to me if you show that girl on the train this poem, she, as the rest of us already have, will see what you actually are- a Poet, and sensitive human being. Love this poem and it will go as of of my 1000 favorites of yours Jacob. There are so many, but how can one choose just 10 or even a 100??? ;0)
Curt

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, Curt.
Heminway's hills is a reference to his short story, "Hills like White Elephants"---

[redzone]

now look at what you've done Jacob, given me homework and made me go look up this Hemingway short story and read it. Will there be a test in the morning?? Thank you!! I want to talk to this white elephant.

[Tumi]

"This poem is about feeling lost and unimportant. It's honest and relatable. The writer uses great metaphors to express their emotions.
very good

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you.

[Lisasview]

Oh gosh Jacob, where do I start?
I feel at a loss for words… words that truly convey my feelings. I relate so deeply to your words.
I am sure many poems often have these feelings of wanting their poems to sing.
I also understand the metaphors throughout…
As I write this my heart aches…
Lisasview

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Lisa
j.

[Lisasview]

You are so welcome Jacob
Lisasview, still thinking about your words

[Amanda Reynolds]

The allusions, storytelling, emotions and meaning were not lost on me, thank you again for your writing and insight- , I enjoyed and appreciated this.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Amanda,
j.

[Red Brick Keshner]

Wow, allow me to pause and consider that 'compost of footnotes'! Such a powerful and far reaching image and concept. Much of my academic life and personal study is quite literally filled with footnotes and end notes and palm card notes. This turn of phrase has found a home here. Will return for the rest of the poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, so many footnotes literal and figurative...

I was a student in the old days before computers...we got excited by electric typewriters...thank you, Red,
j.

[redzone]

sorry to inject myself into your comment Jacob, but I had to smile at your reference to the excitement of electric typewriters. I can relate as I was amazed at the line of aaaaaa's that appeared on the paper when I first used an electric. I was used to pressing harder on the keys of my mom"s black Royal typewriter. AAAAAAAAAAAA, ooops, the same thing happened when I first used the computer keys (and still does at times).

[jacob erin-cilberto]

my mom had a black royal as well.

And I did the AAAAAA thing also.

[Red Brick Keshner]

My mum had an IBM Selectric with a globe containing the characters, the globe was changed over to change fonts. The hum and clackity clack was heaven to the ears!

[Desert Knave]

"... pressing for a shallow response to a vacuous comment ....". Love the message of just that little juicy tidbit ... it says so much. Good writing. ~Jim

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Jim,
j.

[Thomas W Case]

Excellent work. You paint the scene well.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Thomas,
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

I love to travel on the trains. In my young days Jacob. I was station in Germany. The trains were cool. Always could find conversations and new friends.
"with some formerly uncovered brilliance
or maybe I could just write her a poem"
I liked the above lines. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry. I did enjoy.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Coyote,
j.