the station moved away from the train

the station moved away from the train

 

i was snared in my own poem

too many periods gave me no way out

and the words had traps

i kept stepping into

as i typed 

my fingers bled from the rusted claws

 

that bit back as if they wanted no part

of inclusion

 

did you read any of it?

did you see me in it?

look closely

 

i am screaming

from between vowels

assonance abounds

when sense gets off at the previous stop

 

do you hear me screaming?

or are you just reading me into history

hoping for immediate amnesia

once you do.

 

 

erin-cilberto

6/22/24

Reviews

[mabel mae]

i remember sharing my poetry with a close friend and hoping he could see my struggle. safe to say he did not.
this made me think of the drama symbol. two emotions, split, hiding. excellent work. -mabel

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, mabel mae.
j.

[Poetic Beauty]

The process of writing can be a complicated one many times. It’s a fickle delicate process and sometimes the words or even the structure fight against us.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and it can be so stubborn...we almost give up...
thank you, P.B.
j.

[Poetic Beauty]

My problem is apathy. I almost always have an idea it’s actually sitting down and taking the time. Procrastinating is my specialty and also finding the right words

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This poem reminded me of Stevie Smith's, Not Waving but Drowning. We are so often misunderstood that we wonder if we are even really heard at all. Brilliant observation on a personal level and of course it's going to dip its toes into the teeming pond of metaphorical expression. It's what you do so well. I enjoyed. F.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Fabian.
j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

And I checked out that Stevie Smith's poem...
quite intriguing --That is a real poet.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate that you put me in your comparison.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

She certainly was a brilliant poet. And so are you, my friend. I enjoy reading so many fine works from everywhere. Loren Eiseley wrote some fine poems. I read his book, The Star Thrower, in high school and I've read everything by him since I could get my hands on. Brilliant man. I recommend his work as reading for anyone with a love of science or nature.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Jacob... the Final Action Off the Track... "High Noon" and
You are the Groom... Riding Away in a Horse and Carriage for a New beginning.
Softly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Loved High Noon and Gary is my favorite actor...
New beginnings, yes.

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Sharp and vivid imagery.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Thomas,
j.

[Sami Khalil]

Well, passengers can't depart unless the train stops at the station. Now, here you got us thinking; somehow the train station moved away, not the train. Could be the comparison between a language which is the station and the passengers which involves the letter and all else.
Brilliant

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I like that interpretation so much...thank you for your thoughtful insights, my friend.
j.

[Sami Khalil]

Yes siiiirrrrr. You are welcome sir Jacob

[Pete]

sounds like a one-way trip to nowhere. he should have bought a ticket between the lines. all aboard!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and I am a real "Nowhere Man."

Thank you, Pete...I think the station is leaving now.
j.

[Desert Knave]

A nice bit of wordplay. ~Jim

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Jim.
j.

[Soren]

I am reading Jacob and I hear the screaming in this poem am I hallucinating? I have not detected which vowels but it rhymes with bowels and I hear a rumbling sound. lol I enjoyed the playfulness in this poem friend.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Soren.
j.