Day

Day

 

 

the atmospheric pressure

being near you,

I am bursting at the heart

and you are obliviously

 

...just a passing cloud

momentarily hiding the sun

from me

 

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

4/22/24

Reviews

[NormaZ]

I love the image of the weather. In the first stanza I could feel the tension, and the second a feeling of calm, like not even being aware of what’s going on. Very nice!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, NormaZ,
j.

[Soren]

Something so simple being so beautiful it takes a poet's eye to see. The metaphor is deeper than the vision and although the imagery is so common and in another's hands would be trite in yours it becomes beauty in motion and holds the insight of an artist. Magnificent not sure how I had missed this one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Appreciate your kind words, Soren,
j.

[Amy R]

Very nice write, simple but so deep....
The comparison of the person to a passing cloud momentarily hiding the sun adds to the sense of fleeting and temporary emotions.

Again, feels like unrequited love.
GREAT poem!
-Amy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Appreciate your words, Amy,
j.

[Amy R]

You're welcome 😊

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Your metaphors are brilliant.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Thomas.
j.

[V]

Just came along this one.
Your wording and use of metaphors is exquisite. Also the mood drop, the changing of feelings while reading or 'entering' the second paragraph.
It reads relatable to me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, V.
Appreciate your kind words,
j.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Storms usually come when the barometric pressure drops but emotional storms spring from stress when the pressure is rising. I like this weather metaphor. F.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Fabian,
j.

[Papaya]

I get the sense that feelings are being kept in the dark.
She's either oblivious or deliberately casting shade and it feels like the latter.
Nice one, Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your insights, Ana,
j.

[Papaya]

You're welcome, j 🙂

[Betty Hermelee]

Love this poem... the atmospheric pressure ( the closeness, the passion ) you feel for one doesn't measure up to the other.... just a passing cloud, could mean little or no interest, or a moment's flare....
great metaphor...
Warmly. B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Betty,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome J,
Warmly, B

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Jacob… we can feel the atmospheric pressure of another Poet as we wander into the Ether of Life. Gently, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Pat,
j.

[Anushka joshi]

Seriously,
I couldn't have ever imagined using atmospheric pressure like this. I can't get this expression out of my head, might as well use it in my conversation from now. But yeah, that's just a passing feeling. Contrary to this one is very comforting one. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, Anushka,
j.