in the park

   in the park 

 

 

 

an old, old bench

feet planted in cement shoes

the running is over

paint peeling

rusted from many years

of tears

 

love used to rest here

but now

hidden by brush

rushed into senility

the bench remembers nothing

its young romance

 

relentlessly aged away

the sound of rustling feet

she found a new one

recently refurbished

with a new coat of paint

and devoid of splinters.

 

 

erin-cilberto

4/2/24

Reviews

[Mauricio Montoya]

Wow Excellent write this is not only about a bench but life that surrounds it and in the end there's hope.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, so it is...thank you, Mauricio,
j.

[Mauricio Montoya]

Try good writing

[Chris Shaw]

Park benches can tell so many stories. My mind drifted. My great grandfather died on a park bench. An alcoholic who lost his business and family due to demon drink. My grandmother told me she walked past him once when my mum was a baby in a pram. Her father called her name and she refused to acknowledge him. I found that quite harsh. Her hurt must have been deep and she clearly never recovered from it. I wrote a poem about him. He plucked my heart strings.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, I find that quite harsh as well...it is a disease and should be treated as such...and those with it should be helped not scoffed or ignored.
thank you, Chris.
j.

[Lorry]

If only those benches could talk or write. I don't know what they'd say, but it would be number one with a bullet, of that I am sure!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I wish they could as well, Lorry,
thanks,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

Many a time I have parked myself on an old crusty bench on my daily walks, and most of them are in splintery shape… my grandmother used to sit on the same bench… cemented shoes, fall asleep among the chaos of Manhattan…. Your poem shows us the aging person who probably can’t walk anymore and sits on the same bench all the time, but after he passes on, a newly painted bench is used by someone younger… “ love used to rest here… flashes of younger days when lovers sat in those benches before the splinters….very poignant J.
Warmly, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you so much for your review, Betty,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome J
Warmly
B

[John the Baptist]

It seems old, old benches can be like old, old people, which is what I think the metaphor is intended to demonstrate. There comes a time when romance is a thing of the past. The last stanza, however, hints at the possibility of refurbishment.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I think of refurbishment, John...
but doubt it will happen...maybe my heart surgery last year was that, I don't know.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I felt a "snag" here,

"the bench remembers nothing

its young romance"

Is there a missing "of" or possibly a missing apostrophe? Love the metaphor. I'm not even a park bench but more like a folding chair left out in the weather. But I did enjoy the read. F.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

nothing missing.
"the bench remembers nothing"

its young romance/relentlessly aged away

those two lines go together...with a pause in between.
Thank you, Fabian.
j.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

My eyes read through too fast and my brain lost the connection but I see I was mistaken and beg pardon. I really should read slower. So many books, so little time. F.

[mou]

Old days and their footprints... The ambiance is so vivid that it is floating on the page.
-mou.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, mou...

[June bug]

I really could feel this write, I feel a certain yearning for time to go back to what it used to be.
I could sense the splinters as a metaphor as what one has learnt. Heart tugging write really.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate your words, June bug,
j.

[JD Major]

I'm with Toby Keith,
"Don't let the old man in,"
and don't bench yourself 'til the game's over :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Smart man, Toby...
j.

[mabel mae]

Great use of personification. It reminds me of the old bench in my town. Everyone has been there, every love has lived. Thank you for sharing. -mabel

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, mabel,
j.