poets, pagination and a variation on footnotes

poets, pagination and a variation on footnotes

 

 

 

here is a draft of my book

read it

and chill

 

or vice-versa...

 

it's sunny in between stanzas

but the seas are shifting blue

 

I see floaters

not corpses

eye-spots

and they want to capture those images on the side

 

my pen wants to snag them

I am writing in flannel longing

 

hip-freaks, beatniks

John Logan

the poet not the general

 

he wrote "Dawn and a Woman"

I haven't seen a woman in many dawns

except when I roll up the blinds of my memory

 

then the pity becomes a glare through the pane

and I would rather shadow box with the words

 

So, what do you think of the book so far?

would you like a sweater?

 

 

erin-cilberto

2/14/24

Reviews

[John Sullivan]

I'm glad you decided to stay with us, Jacob. As usual, a fantastic piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, John,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

It's a bit like a need in breaking the ice, with white pages all abound and not a stanza in sight. A most enjoyable read J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, andrew,
j.

[John the Baptist]

I can't believe you haven't read "The Poems of Blackjack Logan." I've got a set of those blinds, too. Just have to be careful that my wife doesn't roll them up.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I teach at Blackjack's school, named for him.
Oh yes, what a poet...ha ha.
Thank you for the smile,
j.

[Lorry]

Well it is a bit chill here, but considering winters harshest times, the cool breeze of today is fine.
I might even take your book along to some hip coffee shop and read further into it. ☺
Very nicely captured, from the story that is uniquely Jacob. ☺

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Lorry,
j.

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Very well done.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Thomas,
j.

[Sami Khalil]

I hope your heater is turned up for those chill moments; oh, how we suffer those cold regrets where nobody cares or sees what we went through.
No worries! Your book will be displayed in the lovers' hall of fame.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Sami,
j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome sir Jacob

[Stella Armour]

I don't think you need to do much editing Jacob, shadow boxing with words might get to confuse the original script and not help anything.
Fleeting images of beatniks, possibly flower people should lighten the mood and stop the glare of wishful thinking.
I see floaters too whenever i look at a white page , how annoying they can be

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Stella...glad I am not the only one.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I find an element of humour in this poem J, rather than a lament of past chills.

a glare through the pane

I see floaters
not corpses

I don’t see your window opening for fresh air in case there is more chill outside :)


Chris.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I don't see it opening, either, Chris,
ha ha
thanks,
j.

[emmajoygreen]

'I haven't seen a woman in many dawns
except when I roll up the blinds of my memory' (cleverly, near wittily, offered).

Here offered - variations: seems that between chill and warmth from start to finish, there still needs be a form of satisfaction that gives a long sigh of thanks from self to the draft - rather than YOUR pre-supposed ending. Perhaps I need think more?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, em,
j.

[emmajoygreen]

Oh dear, I think I do. Can usually tell by the response you leave, sir jacob!

[Patricia Wedel]

Yes… dear Jacob… I agree … it is time to ‘lament’ and let the Universe repent. softly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Pat,
j.