Passage

Passage

I ended my poem

before the first word

could go splat onto the page

like a verb jumping from the

fifth floor of poverty---

or the sixth floor of melancholy

or the 22nd floor of grief...

Sense rode the elevator up

insanity chose a different mode down

gazing at snowflakes 

on a hot humid day

when July has lost its memory

and exposure becomes composure

cracked like a fissure on the skate pond

and minds fall through the cracks

lock their screaming eyes with ours

when the ice melts

another synonym

finds pavement

just as the

 first

word

 does.

erin-cilberto

2/5/24

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

The world is insane...I don't think there is any sanity left.... which means so many first words are never spoken because life turns to death too quickly....splat... another one....between mass shootings, poverty and war, what chances do we have to complete a full and fruitful life?? it's a terrible passage leading to death...Your metaphors. as usual, are absolutely perfect!
Warmly, B

[Desert Knave]

"Sense rode the elevator up ... insanity chose a different mode down" one of those kind of pairs that inspires a little jealousy. Nicely done. ~Jim

[nadia dmitri]

I love this so much. The overarching personification and its symbolism always sounds so clever and intelligent. Amazing word choice and I love the formatting :)

[Chris Shaw]

And some lives are ended when they have just begun.(like your poem) You took me to a war zone. The devastation of losing babies and children, enough to drive you insane with grief.

Sense rode the elevator up
insanity chose a different mode down.

Incredibly powerful are those two lines. So impactful.

Everything is falling .. falling apart. We are living in a world increasingly hostile, where hatred has no boundaries. No need to worry about where hell is. It’s here on planet earth. And history keeps repeating itself, over and over and we do not learn.

Chris

[Soren]

Try, try, try again they say. They say insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. But I like your version of trying something different.
" I ended my poem
before the first word
could go splat onto the page"
A mesmerizing start and one I can identify with. I also loved the follow through of falling items. This was enhanced with the snowflake falling and I pictured it melting as it fell on a hot summer day. Previous thoughts and plans often melt in the fall. Another marvelous write. Oh by the way the format enhanced the experience as it came to the end.
"

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Jacob… Skyscrapers are out of reach… as we struggle to Rise above the Insanity … Be safe and above the destruction of Politics…
my friend.. As ever, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, Pat,
j.