after many rewrites of self

after many rewrites of self

 

 

 

I am the figurative version

of a poem

ending in ellipses 

 

which means

I go on in the imagination

as if there is no severance

to my sentence of life

 

strange invasions

thoughts caught in a cup of dreams

cream and sugar doubtful

better black and strong

 

strong enough

to put me in a literal

state

 

a highway of metaphor

to find out just who I am

 

and why I write.

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/10/24

Reviews

[Patricia Wedel]

Wow... Deep as the Sea... where Treasures abide. A quiet poem where Metaphors wander to the Shore... touched by a Seagull in Flight. softly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, Pat,
j.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

And our eyes ride your highway of metaphor admiring your poetic eloquence. Kudos for this muse poem.!
Plz also read and comment my newest poem too.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, S.
and yes, I will check out your latest as well.

[Jack Cassidy]

Most of my rewrites feel like sinning. It seems as though you are hard on yourself as well. The "highway of metaphor" is a long one indeed, but you don't seem to be blowing fumes just yet.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Jack, for your kind review.
j.

[Amanda Reynolds]

Thank you for this, I love the 1st 2 stanzas and especially the line, "to my sentence of life"

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Amanda,
j.

[schlanks]

I love the double meaning of the word sentence in the second stanza and the period at the end of the poem. Subtle details like these make your writing so elevated and keep me coming back to your work time and again.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate your kind words, schlanks.
j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Oh how many people ask why we are the way we are, why we have specific talents and how to use them. The only way to answer that question lies deep in your soul. I love this poem

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Dale,
j.

[Ken Simm.]

Are we what we write. Are true artists completely their work. Or does having a sense of perception become involved first. True art does not need to be personal. And this is a clever discussion in metaphor of that fact.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate your insight, Ken,
thank you for your kindness.
j.

[FGFRANKLIN]

I often find myself more literal than figurative because I don't want others to be confused and we very often run into a pronounced misunderstanding when our meanings are misconstrued. Some get it, others don't. I've seen entire movies dedicated to one concept that others completely missed while watching the same movie. We never know the caliber of our audience. We know the caliber of our intended audience but that is a different story altogether so what one person may view as a cinematic masterpiece, another may only see as a fairly good movie. But writing what we know as Twain advised is often the most reasonable path. You have a gift for figurative language and sly metaphor. I think it's certainly appreciated by some more than others, depending upon the audience. As for me, I enjoy reading anything you write. Always observing, always learning and growing, that's the path for me because it expands on what I feel I'm qualified to write about.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for appreciating my more figurative self, Fabian.
j.

[andrew mitchell]

Maybe we are forever changing self, we are not constant. Self moves where thoughts take us. Anyway a brilliant write, just too good, thoroughly enjoyed Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I like that..."self moves where thoughts take us"
so true.
j.

[Anushka joshi]

Also sir, I would be delighted if you Check my new poem ' Blurr ' and give your opinion on it.
Thank you ❤️
Aj