by Design

by Design

i suppose

i could endlessly compose

songs about the fire in your eyes

in your belly,

in your voice

while you strummed your guitar

and sang to me as my fingers

drummed on the backgammon board

we strolled through conversation

so easily

threw the dice

you came up boxcars

took your last piece off the board

took your last breath

the fire consumed you

i sat and stared at the counters

cornered

fate had won

i suppose

you will always rise

in my eyes

and always throw double sixes

from your place in heaven

as I will never stop

my fingers from drumming on the board

even if the checkers never move again

my heart always will

and you will always win.

10/27/23

Reviews

[Vol]

Jacob,
Great tribute to e e... except for that one comma and one period that leaked, without permission, off the end of your pen.
And this is the second poem about death I've read here today. In my personal experience, there is no consolation for such great loss. Time does not heal, it just treats the symptoms, and when it turns back on itself, and the present touches the past... it is just as fresh every time.
Vol

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I rarely capitalize "I" in my poems. I feel the poem itself is more important than the speaker.
read moreI rarely capitalize "I" in my poems. I feel the poem itself is more important than the speaker.
Interesting you brought up e.e.who is definitely one of my favorites.
thank you for your review, Vol,
j.

[Vol]

Jacob,
Huh... That just sounds strange... Are you saying all poems are about the poet and not the meaning and message? When I read poems with twisted grammar no capitalization or punctuation, I immediately think "Why?" When what I should be thinking is "Is there anything here to think about? What wisdom? What insight?" But no, I've got to deal with the distraction of this alien concept of how the language works. It has been my experience that poets who have something worthwhile to say, just say it. Plain and simple. That is not to say important ideas are not hidden in the lack of convention, it is just that, why add to the confusion?
Vol

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Not at all, Vol, not at all.
I feel poems are about the message and the meaning to readers as they see it...and seldom capitalize i because I don't see the speaker as being more important than the poem itself.
I like the focus to be other than on the speaker. If that makes any sense? Maybe not.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and not so much meaning to add to the confusion, but my lack of punctuation is more for the reader to read as he or she will, with emphasis shifting from reader to reader...and to let each reader get what message he or she will. Not meant as a distraction, but I definitely can see where it might be.

[Vol]

Okay, I see your point, but the non-conventional lower case draws more attention than it deserves and so, as far as I can see, has the opposite effect from what you desire. In terms of poetry, anyone who writes is using their creative soul to express themselves, and no one has any real right to say otherwise. I didn ot mean to offend, I'm just telling how it effects me when someone plays with normal usage... it is like walking across a nice lawn and stepping on a sandspur... I have to break the flow and deal with a side-issue...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, and I get it. No offense was drawn.

[AYVID N]

Wow...this is such a deeply felt tribute. Fond memories of days bygone when the loved one was animated and alive. Those times were so precious and now we're left with just our undying love. This poem comes with a profound message: Loved ones aren't forever, treasure each moment with them, today.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

And I did treasure the years of my friendship with her...and still do. Thank you, Divya,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

Life is a game then you lose someone.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and some so young.
thank you, andrew,
j.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Dear Cilberto, love it,
a playfulness, as I am playful I appreciate it,
the board, the guitar, the winning, and letting seemingly letting be,
great write! ----Maynard

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thanks , Maynard.

[1809 Black Plague December]

most welcome, Dearest, :)

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

A beautiful heartfelt tribute to the one you loved Jacob
Sorry for your loss x
I liked all the metaphors and descriptives

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Julie,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

Great imagination J. inventive and beautiful...love all the metaphors in this charming love story!
Warmly, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, Betty,
j.

[Dave]

Jaco, What a beautiful tribute to the one you loved.

Take care - Dave

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Dave,
j.

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Hail Poet!

You could have never known (did you, somehow?) that this day of October 27th was/is my late wife's and I's first Marital Anniversary ...

And so, my fine Poet as a friend, I did find this Poem to be a most wonderful Tribute and Memorial to whomever you didst writ as write it for, as your words amply spoke all that I wish that I could say to that fine woman I was forced to lay to rest on January 7th, 2022 ...

Thank you so much for sharing your Poetry that enlightens me, encourages me, inspires me each and every time I stop by to visit your masterfully written pages!

Marve

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I know you loved her so much, Marve...and she loved you as much and you were both lucky to have what you had as long as you did.
I appreciate your words.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Heartfelt everlasting love for the sweetheart consumed by fire. A moving poem J. Unique - by design. In your eyes, unrivaled, peerless, incomparable.

Those double sixes of the dice tell me you were lucky to have known her, even though her time was cruelly cut short.

Fabulous poetry.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, I was really lucky...my life was blessed with her friendship.
thank you, Chris.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

It may have been a shorter friendship then you expected, because of the tragic circumstances, but she was a diamond that won’t ever lose her shine. Her short life impacted yours greatly. She didn’t live in vain.