Biscayne Blues

Biscayne Blues

 

 

the tired dandelion

wilts and disappears

into the overgrown lawn

 

the house sits quiet

broken shades

TV unplugged

 

an elder man

sleeps in a recliner

clutching his unopened beer

 

the carpet smells of decades

of shadowed stains

a lifetime in the weeds of proximity

 

his life outlived him long ago

now he models for a painting

that will never meet a brush

 

an artist's rendering

idling like the old Chevy

in the garage stall

 

paint me silently

I won't move.

 

 

erin-cilberto

9/2/23

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

A sad story; we all pay the price for our choices when bad, earn prizes when good. He made his bed, his recliner. He forned his habits over time, somewhere upon biscayne Bay, FL

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Sami...does sound like he is in his recliner for his declining years...
j.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow! You are welcome sir.

[emmajoygreen]

These words seem to be once upon a time meets the end, a grey triptych showing at least three ages of Man. There's a sense of emptiness and shock wrapped in a wander through how sad life can be, whenever.
Your skill with and at brevity is incredible, sir jacob

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for that em, and here I thought this piece was maybe too long.
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

The Biscayne Lighthouse waits for the Lonely Man to ascend the Stairs where Stars Hang out…
A Life-time to wander over the Horizon… yet clinging to the tender Hope of finding ❤️ Love. softly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your beautiful words, Pat,
j.

[light and ashes]

It amazes me how you to managed to pen, what is, honestly,
in my opinion, such a disgusting and somewhat disturbing scene with as much elegance and sensitivity as Van Gogh or Monet drove their paint brushes across the canvas.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind review, LIght.
j.

[light and ashes]

You are so very welcome.

[Perdition]

"a lifetime in the weeds of proximity"

There's the killer dance card of this poem. A brilliant line J. I see a new depth in every poem surfacing and in the still painting bleeding tick by tock ...beautifully written: "dandelion down to stall".

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind words, Perdition.
j.

[willweb]

A sad and lonely look at life when you feel you have outlived your usefulness and have been label by others that way. This is like a Norman Rockwell painting in all grey tones. Nicely done Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, will, appreciate your words.
j.

[W. Barrett Munn]

“his life outlived him long ago” is an absolutely brilliant line. The poem one of your finest.

Winston

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for that kind comment, Winston,
j.

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Jacob,

There is a certain finality to this piece that cause my mind to envision the old man as eyes wife open and mouth agape, having breathed his last, as his unopened beer has grown warm in the can .... Excellent work!

Marve

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Marve,
j.

[Patricia]

shadowed stains, love it! Fab last two stanzas! moody and real

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Patricia...
j.

[John]

Love the way that a few images can evoke a state of being that is wistful, resigned, but with a hint of some troubling thoughts in what is revealed to be a portrait of the self.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your wods, John,
j.