Holstering Sundown

Holstering Sundown

 

 

conscientious vagabond

lifeless flirt

women smile and he collapses

into yesterday's subconscious

he remembers one in particular

 

and then trips over his own response

a red faced nomad

feels love is his antagonist

and he, the protagonist

with whom no reader could identify

 

she wasn't the bad guy in the black dress

and he wasn't wearing a white hat

since, there has been a posse

of many faces, many hearts

but he is already face down on the street

 

dead before he can draw 

his own smile.

 

erin-cilberto

5/15/23

Reviews

[light and ashes]

Wow. Damn.
I did not see that coming.

100

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Light,
j.

[light and ashes]

You are welcome.

[Dave Brown]

this has 'drawn' a full chamber of attention
nothing like a western either faceup or face down

[jacob erin-cilberto]

nice pun...thank you, Dave,'
j.

[Miss Sharon]

"dead before he can draw his own smile." A befitting closure to this fine write my friend. ~Sharon

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Sharon,
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

I truly like this j.

Just judging by the title I pick up on the somewhat troubled life of one of our greatest troubadours and poet who recently passed.

A right fine tribute it is.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Ted...

[Anushka joshi]

The last Stanza was very visualising.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Anushka,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

You got me thinking about westerns here J. I used to watch lots of them back in the sixties. High noon was one of them. Many a guy I have seen face down in the dirt. Those smiles in your poem have some power in them. Smiles don’t draw blood, bullets do. He will recover.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly....he was so good in that.
I like what you say about smiles and bullets.
j.

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
For some reason this reminds me of several movies I have seen...and believe me I have seen a ton... Actually can not find anything this week on Net Flex or prime that I have not seen...
I grew up in the motion picture business and so i am attracted to your words because as I said your words remind me of a movie or a combination of movies..
Your "movie" reflects the pain that is so often felt in love...
Lisa

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I think I remember you saying you had grown up in the business...I am a movie fanatic myself...mostly love the old black and whites, film noir stuff.
But Westerns have always been a favorite...when I was a young kid I watched all the tv westerns with my dad.
Thank you for relating to this mess...I am feeling my poems lately are jumping off cliffs....but we are our own worst critics, I guess.
thanks again, Lisa
you are a kind reviewer.
j.

[Lisasview]

I am an honest reviewer... not always kind... I do thin we are our worst critics... I do suffer with that. But then again, I will write and post something I am very happy with... Like Innocence, Awaken and Kitchens...
I never post anything I am not happy with... it is just that some I am more happy with, if that makes sense.
Funny, because when I was a child I was addicted to westerns... mainly on TV... I actually wanted the bad guys to win... so weird. I did not speak english when I was very young (only french) and, because of the action I found westerns easy to understand. Now I love thrillers, criminals, etc.
Lisa

[willweb]

Sundown or high noon, it doesn't matter, someone will end up face down in the dirt. "Draw Mister!" Seems we never learn to withdrawal in time.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sure does seem that way, will,
thanks,
j.

[Linda alexander]

Great poem well painted, love is strange even if all admire love is pure, but strings attached to love are many at times. Real love only in movies it might be fake in day-to-day life.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I think that is why I am so attached to movies...
and their Happy Endings.
thank you, Linda,
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“feels love is his antagonist
and he, the protagonist”
So wry and clever j. No quick-draw is he. Love the wit, the wordplay, the metaphor… puts me in mind of a High Noon b&w scene imagined between The Coop and maybe Rita Hayworth?:))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thanks for the kind words, Annette.
and it was Grace Kelly in High Noon. Great flick.
One of Gary's two Oscars.