Take a Number

Take a Number

 

 

 

revisions imply

dissatisfaction with status quo

 

a second draft

after the first one didn't work

there were shaking soldiers

swamp rats with holes in their shrinking bellies

 

infested jungles

of poor writing

poems with shrapnel significance

 

the war is over

yet we keep loading the pens

and firing blanks

 

remembering how the old bullets

meant something

sated an appetite

for playing real

 

but meanings might

just be searching

for a new cause

or a third draft

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

4/13/23

Reviews

[red93]

I revise Poetry all the time Jacob - I have even had to revise whole EBooks where there have been typos or other glitches. Fortunately one of the Great Joys of Amazon Kindle is that one can do that. You can completely change your EBook Covers as well.

I liked this Piece and as ever yr control over yr metaphors is outstanding.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, red,
j.

[emmajoygreen]

Do we remember the burning of books, the way that hatred and war killed a billion words,splines and.. lives. Drafts, preparations often finish intention, do you think? Your words are as dark as any I'v e read of yours, my friend. You often cradle thoughts in a logical if not kind mind. This has a more, far more, an intensity that perhaps only you know - anger, disgust Bullets come in many forms, but always meant to maim, belittle, and at best.. to slay. How, why depends on emotion and loss of, perhaps.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, lots of disgust...maybe the kind mind is turning not so kind.
thank you, em,
j.

[emmajoygreen]

lTime to stop thinking thoughts thought before. Time to look into space and see dawn rise and hear birdsong.. ,,, Yes?

[Chris Shaw]

When I think of the effort and revisions I do, when I write a poem before I consider sharing it. Compare that to our useless politicians who seem to make policies on the back of a f*g packet these days, without thinking through the consequences. They need to think hard and do several drafts before making policy and refrain from knee jerk solutions. As you can guess J, I have never felt so disconnected to politics as I do now. They are all useless over here!! A very topical write. Saying it how it is.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

they should just smoke up the pack and throw it away, I think.
thank you, Chris,
j.

[willweb]

Often I wonder what good is any of it. One person's perfection is another person's garbage.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and there is much more garbage than perfection right now...someone needs to clean up the streets..read moreand there is much more garbage than perfection right now...someone needs to clean up the streets..
j.

[andrew mitchell]

I wonder how many drafts are affected by political correctness? I wonder how many drafts are affected by war because when it comes to writing the war is never over. At least the rules of poetry have relaxed somewhat free verse that is!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, never over...
thank you, andrew,
j.

[AYVID N]

the war is over
yet we keep loading the pens
and firing blanks

No truer words were spoken....Drafts can tell where the war is going to go. In fact, one can tell quickly after it begins. The trouble is finding that war, that idea, that burning issue to write about. On most days, I wake up feeling nothing and envy people who can squeeze out a poem from a dead bedsheet. We don't need skills. We just need something we want to write about. This is a wonderful poem!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

or NEED to write about.
thank you, divya,
j.

[AYVID N]

You're most welcome, dear Jacob.

[John the Baptist]

In wars and in writing, drafts can be a deciding factor. If you need more troops and have to resort to a draft, that's not so good. In writing, however, another draft may just be a step toward victory. If consecutive drafts are needed, though, it might be time to call for a truce.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

may just be, John, may just be,
thank you,
j.

[W. Barrett Munn]

I am certain there is always revision; the question is whether you or the muse do it. Either way it is always a battle.

Winston

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, either way...
thank you, Winston.
j.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

The duality of this is quite stunning! Writing can be war, the writer constantly seeking perfection and rewriting and rewriting; and sometimes, even when finished, there is still discontent. I think we all want to feel like we wrote that "perfect" poem. Yet, that is an unobtainable goal. I think that is the foundation of this poem, albeit open to interpretation.

Interesting to note ...

On December 1, 1989, Congress ordered the Selective Service System to put in place a system capable of drafting "persons qualified for practice or employment in a health care and professional occupation", if such a special-skills draft should be ordered by Congress. In response, Selective Service published plans for the "Health Care Personnel Delivery System" (HCPDS) in 1989 and has had them ready ever since. The concept underwent a preliminary field exercise in Fiscal Year 1998, followed by a more extensive nationwide readiness exercise in Fiscal Year 1999. The HCPDS plans include women and men ages 20–54 in 57 different job categories. As of May 2003, the Defense Department has said the most likely form of draft is a special skills draft, probably of health care workers.

Ironic, since so many healthcare workers, among others, lost their jobs due to refusing to get the COVID shot.

We are all subjects in one way or another. We are nothing but a number.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and I remember being in the first draft lottery...just a number "28"---a nervous number indeed.
read moreand I remember being in the first draft lottery...just a number "28"---a nervous number indeed.
Thank you for sharing this, Linda Marie,
j.

[Sami Khalil]

The third is the charm, or should we say in wars, the ultimate harm; the nuclear option which is hanging above our heads these days. All realistic and encompassing the whole world. I read somewhere where the next war will be an air and sea war, without many boots on the ground. Drones, long-range rockets, flying saucers made by governments...
A marvelous poem to raise awareness.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the boots are too tight anyway and hurt the toes...
the bombs will blast away the feet, so no need for boots.
it's a sad and dangerous world right now.

[Sami Khalil]

So true and well articulated. You are welcome sir Jacob.