How do you see me?

How do you see me?

 

 

my poetry has errors, same as my life

no excuses,

I am just a rough draft of myself

 

editing as I near my conclusion

misspelled too many occurrences 

along the way

 

misplaced my modifiers

in a sea of panic and rush

the words just gush

 

I shall be revising

as long as my heart beats

and if you see a mistake

 

correct it,

so I might move on

with more clarity.

 

 

erin-cilberto

6/25/22

Reviews

[W. Barrett Munn]

I really like this, J., the idea of self-correcting and trying to get better as a forever thing. And the appeal to others is what elevates this and makes in inclusive. I like it.
W.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Winston,
j.

[LJ]

Editor, please! Proofreading sometimes comes too late, when the piece is already published, when the rough draft is what we have. This terrific metaphor is about life itself, sometimes tumbling, sometimes seeking clarity, often humbling. Yet revisions can be available for the living and I'm grateful for that. Your use of such writerly metaphors and words with double meanings is always appreciated by me. Thanks!
LJ

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, LJ,
j.

[lightsong]

Wow! another master metaphor from your ongoing master mind! I know by now how your poerty reflects You, I don't need to see anything but how it is, honest and sincere. Errors we might do even without noticing them, so please correct mine too if You notice them, in poetry and life :>

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, lightsong,
j.

[John the Baptist]

Does our poetry mirror our lives? Interesting thought, along with a lot of clever metaphors in this one. But don't worry about misplaced modifiers. As long as your participles aren't dangling, you're in the clear.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

uh oh, i know i dangle a few of them.
thanks, John,
j.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Loved this Jacob

The perfect poem the perfect life does it really exist ? Probably not
We all make errs in life I know I did and no amount of white tape can erase it’s imprint
Loved the poem esp this “misspelled too many occurrences along the way “

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Julie,
j.

[Cassie]

I see you as such a great poet who brings words to life everytime he brings them on paper

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are very kind, thank you, Cassie,
j.

[Weeping willow]

Rough draft of words are often best, as it reveals the true light of the poet. Words that hide deep in the soul, Expressed through it make it whole. See your words always get me speaking ;-]

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, willow,
j.

[Fran Marie]

Sometimes we poets feel like an
unused line caught between our
choice of words in an idle verse
going nowhere with mistakes galore
yet we keep trying / trial and error
I like the lines

I shall be revising
as long as my heart beats
and if you see a mistake

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Fran,
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

Perhaps I was mistaken for a Vowell when you used me in a sentence...
There is not one witness to the error... so lets just say... I love to be used as a Pronoun. I rest my Case... Professor J. quietly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words and the smile, Pat,
j.