drafted into the chill

drafted into the chill

a cold wind 

is disrespectful of feelings

raw, bitter images

excruciate the swollen cheek

as tears freeze to the heart

and my steps towards you

become slower,

slower, slower

halted, my scarf

waves like a white flag

the fight in me

is an autumn leaf

that wants to soldier no more.

erin-cilberto

1/23/22

Reviews

[KWP]

I love this. probably because today I was conjuring a poem of along this thought path, I was picturing how. to say it without saying it, you have inspired me. I have been opting for the slow fade.

This cold you speak of, I must experience it at some point in my life.

Always nice to read your work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, KWP,
j.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Jacob,
Not sure which line with the wonderful use of metaphors I like best.. Perhaps tears freeze to the heart..or
my heart waves like a white flag. (wanting to surrender)
I am full of the images behind the images in every line..
Pain seems to fall behind each line..
Really wonderful..Lisa

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind review, Lisa,
j.

[Lisasview]

You are always welcome.

[Shelley Warner]

Very descriptive of an uncertain love. Nice phrases. The scarf whipping in the wind. The steps toward the loved one becoming slower and slower.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Shelley,
j.

[Shelley Warner]

Sure, you're welcome.

[Ada]

Poem reads like autumn and or you are not wanting the season to progress into winter. As a result their relationship just simply can't continue, which could theoretically also signal the ending of a romance. Nice

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Ada,
j.

[John the Baptist]

It sounds as though a once solid relationship has hit a snag and now summer's warmth has been replaced by autumn's chill. The white flag imagery indicates this is not just a truce but a full surrender.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, John,
j.

[Fran Marie]

Once were drafted into
that final chill I reckon
we have fought the good
fight and do go gentle into
that good night..life takes
its toll on us all..great metaphors
as always written with precision

nice work...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Fran,
j.

[W.k.kortas]

There's chills and then there's chills, and this is just-so on multiple levels; it's evocative without any excess or literary bric-a-brac, and the phrasing and word choice are each the stuff of virtuosity. Top-shelf stuff.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, W.k.,
j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Jacob, You can feel the sense of pain from losing a loved one with your always brilliant metaphorical verses.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Dale,
j.

[bcdevine]

My first thoughts upon reading, was that of a relationship dying..the final embers. I enjoy your imagery...You sense, especially in the second stanza, the hesitancy to cover the distance, and lastly, the resolve to no longer work at this...the metaphor of the autumn leaf...that goes the way of the wind...no longer willing to persevere.
I really enjoyed reading this and your use of metaphor...the palpable sense the words conveyed of something inside someone, slowly grinding to a halt. At least that was my take from reading this.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I really appreciate your insights and where this took you, bc,
thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“a cold wind
is disrespectful of feelings”

Mortality is a war we are drafted into. It becomes “the winter of our discontent”, chilling us to the bone. The simile, metaphor, imagery, pure poetic perfection of this poem in tones of exhaustion of love lost, are striking. I feel this so deeply J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, Annette,
j.

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

is an autumn leaf
that wants to soldier no more.

These last two lines are what sets this write up....
This is remarkable, cause it is so intriguing

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind words, Kesch,
j.