racing the vein

racing the vein

 

 

 

bleed extravagant

curtsy to the trickle of pain pouring slowly

hearts do not have reptilian skin

insults and goodbyes slither coldly 

beneath what we have left,

 

find our strife to bind us

to the headboard

sleeping on wanted posters

she is a lovely suspect

the knife isn't real

 

but sorrow shines off its blade.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/6/21

Reviews

[JE Falcon]

I loved every word, but somehow, I wanted the last two lines to be together, and separate from the rest (?). Hmm, I'm never going to understand this style. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

They need to be separate...free verse finds its own way. There is a major pause before the last thought. Thank you for your review, JE...
j.

[JE Falcon]

No, thank you.

[andrew mitchell]

That last line is a beauty “ but sorrow shines off it’s blade” a perfect line that lingers after the write is read almost like it has opened a wound and now it’s a scar. As Gene would say. “ powerful stuff says I”

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate your insight, andrew,
j.

[Kim S.]

loved that 2nd stanza a lot, this is powerful and i love the imagery

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, beckie,
j.

[Kim S.]

not a problem, you are very talented

[Soren]

Your imagery is wonderful, vivid and provoking of much thought. I read this poem several times and each time found something new. This poem ranks high much as did your poem "poem" which is one of my favorites. I love your conciseness

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Soren,
j.

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

WOW, deep write here,
Love what Ted said...
This is really brilliant poetry. love this

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind words, Kesch,
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

"If you cut me ... do I not bleed?"

Sorrow does not shine from a rusted knife
less damage is done with a well-honed blade
strife will bind us ... if not to the headboard ... then to each other
that lovely face we once dealt with can only be found on the wanted poster of our emotions.

Let us open a vein ... bloody words pour out.

I kinda like this one j. As you may have noticed

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Ted,
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

"the knife isn't real
but sorrow shines off it's blade" ... this one takes me in different directions all at once .. i think it is something that is very much especially written just for "them" ... whoever they may be .. our skin .. where all our pain receptors reside ... going in deeper we are quite numb .. cold .... a place of resting reptiles ... not but time to slither around in ... makes me think of "cutters" and their tortured minds, hearts and souls ... only relief is self blood letting ..or worse a psychotic killing spree ... the knife being a very up personal choice of weapon ... wants and disappointments are one in so many cases ... "sleeping on wanted posters" .. killer line says i ... thought provoking .. i see many many ways to think of this one sir ... so you received this lengthy review ... lengthy even for me :)))))))))))))))) luv on ya brother .. as always .. thanks for sharing!
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Sir E.
I really appreciate your insights on this one...
be safe,
j.

[keith]

jacob
you are a most talented writer that has found comfort in metaphoric verse that easily paints pictures we associate thru our own visions
but you have dug a rut where you find a comfortable nest in which to lie
your pen is mighty as a sword
the ink within captures emotions unlike so many others
step out of this comfort zone, spread your wings, move away from that which others expect and write that which is most important
the heart has but one function, pumping life giving blood
love, hate, anger, sorrow, all live in the mind where we really live
sorrow, guilt, pity, they are momentary reactions to the unpleasant moments of our lives
move on my poet friend and give your audience truths

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the truths are in the metaphors, my friend...many truths from many years of life.
thank you,
j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I do see where it seems like a rut, and maybe is, ABG. But it isn't really by choice...I am more of a conduit than a poet, and the words come to me this way because I think in metaphor...
hides me a bit, unintentionally....
and in the past, I have just bled from the pen, but not so much now.
I teach two examples of this to my classes...Plath's "Mirror" and Dickinson's "Death in the opposite house"
where the speaker basically hides behind allegory, metaphor and universal speak.
Maybe some of us are either blessed or cursed, I don't know.
But I do know that I really appreciate what you said....maybe a part of me must distance from the truths just enough.
j.

[keith]

in life there are really only 2 choices ... fact or fiction, truth or lies, black or white, here or there, you or me
the choice is ours to make
see ya around friend

[Margaretp]

Great imagery, great metaphors. I really like this, the emotion that comes when reading this.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Margaret,
j.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"I asked her to marry me, she smiled
And pulled out a knife
"The party's just beginning,"
she said, "Your money or your life" Last Night Traveling Wilburys

This was in a different vein. Wounds to the heart seldom heal quickly if they heal at all. I enjoyed.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Fabian, and I really love that group...
and that song.
j.