Has Been has been

Has Been has been

 

 

I'm a side-line-der

my game has played out,

career in the twilight

of love

 

I could still do minutes

here and there,

but prefer to sit this one out

I went deep a few times

 

but eventually dropped the hearts

that found my burned hands

the touch I fumbled

Coach smiles at me

 

aware

the uniform fits too confining

I can still watch lavender

spill from lips to fascinate me

 

but I don't hear voices

they are in another cloud

and my vision is aging

out of the game.

 

 

erin-cilberto

11/9/21

Reviews

[Shelley Warner]

This sounds like love has lost some rounds. Nice and melancholy.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Shelley,
j.

[Shelley Warner]

You're welcome

[John the Baptist]

Really, j., be glad you don't hear voices. Take it from an ex-mental health worker.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, glad of that....I don't hear them yet.
thanks, John,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

a career of love, the love game; I think we all get to the stage where we can only tolerate so much of one thing....love. The coach may smile, but may not understand your needs, wants. In life one always fumbles now and then, but when it becomes too much to handle, the coach should smile and send us on our way, straight to the nursing home! "the game is played out"
Loved the way you wrote this!
Best, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

your response is better than the poem, Betty,
thank you,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

Not quite, but a big thank you! And you’re welcome J.

[Chris Shaw]

Your second stanza is genius. Covers a lifetime of loving and maybe not loving. Never too late. You are no has been. Great write J.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Wow, Chris...Genius and I in the same sentence?
unbelievable...but thank you for that boost,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

You are a brilliant writer J. You just don't appreciate your own talent.

[Vertigo Cat1111]

‘My vision is aging, out of the game’ is a gorgeously haunting line to end of this already beautiful poem with. Each line is brimming with creativity and words so many poets wish to have written. I loved every word and metaphor you used here, and I have to say it’s one of your best, for sure. Thank you for sharing (:

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind review, Colacat,
j.

[barleygirl]

Your poem harkens to Jackson Browne's song "These Days" . . . well, I had a lover . . . don't think I'll risk another these days. There's nothing I could relate to more (((HUGS)))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sorry you could relate to it...damn poetry and heartbreak, joined at the hip.
thank you, Margie.
j.

[Fran Marie]

A well crafted piece of
poetry ..i would say you're
still very much in this
game called love with
this soulful write..well done

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Fran...I pretty much battled with this one to get it where I wanted it, and even then was not sure of it.
j.

[Patricia]

HA! Not you my beautiful friend, never too old for the game and never sit out when you get to play, regret is an painful thing, we all know too well as writers or we wouldn't write about it so much. Play on! HUGS!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ha ha...not sure about that, but thank you for your words, Patricia.
j.

[shadrach hah]

Hi Jacob, I don't see you as a loser in love's game, the heart is still willing to sing and moments shared are always important. I would live in the moments, if they were not of my own devising, in poetry. You know how to make the emotions come from your readers. That is indeed a gift. Have a wonderful Wednesday....Mike.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Mike,
j.

[shadrach hah]

You are welcome, Jacob.

[lightsong]

You are never out of the game of Love and Gods when You still can write this kind of poetry, You win every time You write and share, lifting words high and touch the hearts of people even Gods, they listen... they listen with care... such a flight You took us through these masterfully crafted lines.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are kind in your review, lightsong,
thank you
j.