Twisted Sonnet, sort of

Twisted Sonnet, sort of

 

 

 

intensity rises with the sun

a heart on rampage

furiously sings a song of one

broken dreams allege

 

endings become the norm

a free verse intent becomes boredom's form

 

hair turning white as January snow falls bleak

love to mend the soul, I no longer seek

righteous fire, now spoken in ashen remains

rhyming, rhyming, rhyming departing insane

 

drainage as an Einstein mind elopes

with the forage of sustained slopes

upon which my last thoughts slalom 

the conclusion of me a poem to roam

 

on its own.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/23/2021

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Me too Jacob.
"hair turning white as January snow falls bleak
love to mend the soul, I no longer seek
righteous fire, now spoken in ashen remains
rhyming, rhyming, rhyming departing insane"
I loved the above lines. Maybe insanity, the writer's last grasp at words. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for visiting my lame mess-up excuse for a sort of sonnet.
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome Jacob.

[Patricia Wedel]

Skiing on a winding path... avoiding obstacles...
a Norwegian sport for romantic enthusiasts...
the thrill of snow spraying on your Einstein mind.
A Professor... of Course. gently, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you dear Pat...you are always kind to me with your reviews.
j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Rhyming is good
every so often you should
because to stretch the aging mind
can help a soul unwind!

I really enjoyed this though the subject matter seems a bit sad.....lonely. Sometimes, though, we are better off alone in this life. We can depend on ourselves because we know what we need....kinda sorta. In any case, this is a different one from you and I enjoyed it. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I think my muse took your advice...wait until you see the next post, which I just wrote after reading your review.....that's it...I want to be different...I have been the "Same" for too long.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha well you are bored aren't you jacob ...what a chuckle you have lent me .. as you challenge the sacred sonnet with such irreverence ... alas we "free versers" need some structure now and again .. it must be in the air as i am working on a common hymn form ... there is simply no freedom to be had without something to be free from is there?! of course i love your shout out to my favorite genius, Mr. Einstein! i love love love V3 L3 and see you and your white locks flowing in the wind .. as you slalem across those "sustained slopes" ... closing line is killer to me ..
"the conclusion of me a poem to roam
on its own."
some wondrous, honest grounded poetry sir! grounded in a wealth of life lived says i! nice one!
E.
ps. as for its validity as a sonnet ... i leave that for others more steeped in that great classical form ;)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Oh I know I violated the form tremendously...except for the rhyme and there are 14 lines...I am bad.
Emily Dickinson wrote most of her poems using the hymnal form that she grew up with seeing and hearing in church. But she violated that as well, maybe on purpose or maybe she just springboarded off of that form because it is what she knew.
I admire those who can do perfect sonnets...it is a gift I do not have...I am making fun of me here and my lack of ability to do form poems well.
I appreciate your visit and words, E,
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

yeah..i got that :) i believe Emily most certainly did it on purpose .. to tweek those starched stiff Calvinists .. with the form and her jabs and uppercuts so artfully entwined .. one of the first "modernist" .. and a woman at that!! ahead of her times wasn't she!?

[Miss Sharon]

(the conclusion of me a poem to roam on its own.) Perhaps all poets feel this way at times Jacob. Good writing as per your forte my friend. ~Sharon

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Sharon,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

I felt one was going somewhat mad or sick of being isolated and hemmed in by winter only having oneself to entertain.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ah, truth, andrew, truth.

[.]

A tightly structured theme.. A sonnet... You are good at this too. I like the line " Righteous fire... Ashen remains"... But your creative fire is very much burning in it......

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Sima,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I was also taken with the same line as Stella

love to mend the soul, I no longer seek

I reckon, that's a really decent line worthy of the bard. I have read a few of his sonnets.

You dear poet do not like the straight jacket of form. You like to spread yourself out and be free :)

Sonnets can drive you nuts. I have half a dozen to my name, but my muse does not readily bring them to me. They are too difficult and she knows I am lacking in patience)

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thanks for your understanding words, Chris,
j.

[Stella Armour]

"love to mend the soul i no longer seek", well you could learn to love yourself a bit more ... it's good for the soul and forget the sonnets.... they make your brain hurt :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, I did just this one lame attempt and have still not recovered.
Thank you, Stella.
j.

[MCS]

Such beauty in these and yet an underlining sadness or perhaps its just my frame of mind.
As always well done my gifted friend.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, MCS,
j.