i am

i am

 

 

i don't want  to

grow old,

run limp,

choke on mental lapses

needing Heimlich to rescue my thoughts

 

fidget with angry legs

moving towards the gates

of eternity's finish line

 

i don't want to

lose you,

live alone,

find myself breathing sour thoughts

of solitude,

of sitting on our love seat

alone

 

growing old

running limp,

spitting up a drool of nonsense

needing a bib to catch my words

 

i don't want to

but time is restless

 

and my poetry

is running out of youth

it is turning white

like the paper upon which it is written

 

and i am fading into it

i don't want to

but i am.

 

 

erin-cilberto

9/17/2020 

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

one of your best sir! in my humble opinion of course ;) one of the best! you are certainly not alone .. at least you can count on that .. no one wants to "grow" old ... we don't even think about it until its ....... alas...... too late :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) makes me larf sir! at best we "grow" until about 25 yrs old .. after that our skin still heals ... nails keep going ... beards continue for most .. all else is slipping away .. i think the trick is in the focus ... stretching every bit we have day by day .. with supplements, canes, wheel chairs .. picture boards .. whatever we can ... but every ready (like the bunny of course) to let it all go when the call comes in ... like when Neo picks up the phone ... zip .. he gone! ;) great poem jacob .. really fine read for me! inspires gratitude for the day
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, E.
j.

[andrew mitchell]

I agree with Kelly how neat if it was reversed. Superb writing!

[andrew mitchell]

Very fitting I am, I was!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, andrew,
j.

[John the Baptist]

I wouldn't try to get this one published in the AARP magazine. I worked for 12 years in a chronic disease hospital, where most of the patients were elderly (which is to say, the age I am now). Saw the very worst of old age, many of the conditions you mention in this work. Swore I would do all I could to avoid such a situation. Have been successful thus far. Remember, Tennyson wrote "Crossing the Bar" in the space of 20 minutes, when he was 80 years old.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I hope I can still write at all at 80...
thank you, John,
j.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I wish we would have started out old, then progressed into younger years. Wouldn't that be cool? You have made a lasting impression upon me, and many here. You are golden, as far as the eye can see!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

funny you say that...I haven't posted it yet, but the other day I wrote a poem with a reference to Benjamin Button...

thank you for your very kind words, Kelly,
j.

[A.H.]

Beautiful! written to perfection and expresses just all it has to say and more.
Youth, poetry, aging, solitude, life and everything in one.
An explosive package of thoughts this is!

I like these lines a lot,
"i don't want to
but time is restless"

My take - poetry never dies, it lives on in others hearts/minds for forever even if we fade in times.
Until you write, be it youth or in old age - words will live on, they will be alive, full of youth and energy.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind words, Abhilash,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I have not met a person yet who welcomes old age Jacob. It is a time of uncertainty, when health issues can become a problem. For those living alone that fear is magnified. For a writer the thought of losing the ability to write is a terrifying thought. A sobering poem to reflect on my friend.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Chris,
j.

[NonsenseTyper]

Fading into the white of the paper = Joining the Eternal
I don't suppose anyone ever wants to, but HAS to.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Nonsense Typer,
j.

[Corset]

we all are, and none of us want to. we get older and feel exactly the same on the inside, love the same, fear the same, dance the same ...young ones might look as us and ridicule the warm king in the winter, but they know and because they know it's only a matter of time before someone looks at them with the same bitter fear.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insights, Corset,
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Gosh Jacob the desperate sadness in this is palpable as the protagonist describes feelings of slipping into old age and senility. As always your expression/description and use of metaphor are far from invisible on the page!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, John,
j.

[Akshay Rawal]

This poem talks about fears, of being old and lonely. This sure is not a happening vision of life, but definitely, everyone shall have to pass through this phase. The line about Heimlich is quite metaphoric, as if these thoughts choke us and drag us away from the force of life, then one would need something like a Heimlich maneuver to feel light-headed again. This defines the struggle, the frustration and the emotion of getting old.

Thanks for sharing. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, Akshay,
j.