when my eye breaks

when my eye breaks

ashes lie under dirt patches

life resided once where puddles met

joined as one

they present the slightest ripple

then rest beneath a severe surface

where memory conjoins itself

to plot

and the last words of the book

are read

with a single tear.

erin-cilberto

3/7/2020

Reviews

[Lorry]

I have often wondered if on this crazy journey of life, whether trying to live on through loss is a true torment that can even surpass thoughts of our own end, and more importantly, if we are ever the person we were before such loss, or can be again.
We know death is all part of the plan and accept it, but when its someone else and our heart is torn, well, that is a fresh living hell that nothing can ready us for.
Like your words here Jacob, it leaves me with the thought of every book read thereafter will be missing the last 20 pages.

[kentuck14]

You are on a metaphysical romp my friend! The end of the story . . . whether sad or good always brings a tear . . . one more thing we have to leave behind.
T

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, T.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

You are grieving. Such finality in this piece. That single tear could be for mankind, could be for her, could be for you or him. It doesn't matter who the tear was for, the loss is felt and deeply so in these lines. We all depart, some sooner than others.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and always wonder why some are taken before they can complete the journeys they had in store.
thank you, Chris.
j.

[Rania M]

We have books within us waiting to be written and read. Or maybe we are all unwritten books ourselves. With our lifetime of sorrow and hidden tears. I feel sadness in this poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful words, Rania,
j.

[John the Baptist]

This is a somber one. It comes across as the recollections of one who has incurred some type of loss which may be irreparable. Verse one contains images of desolation, maybe even death. All that remains are dark memories, and the last words are read with a tear. What the source of this loss may be is not stated, but we can only conclude it was a severe one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

for a friend of mine...i have written many for her the past two months...thank you for your kind words, John,
j.

[A.J.Thompson]

Great Poem Erin, tears for those we miss send ripples through our time, I feel your loss!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you.....

[Betty Hermelee]

The beginning and end of life, all described in this poignant poem. I love the line "life resided where puddles me", but ultimately those puddles dry up (as we age) and turn to ashes. A beautiful comment on cycle of life; aptly stated in such a concise poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Betty,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

As always!!! B

[Mark]

A very well written piece about the cycle of life and death. Soft, poignant, brief as life itself. I enjoyed it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Mark,
j.

[Paul Bell]

Strange thing tears, they never come when they should come, but at some insignificant point in time you find yourself tearful. Must be reverse guilt for future happenings.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think you have something there, Paul.
My tears never seem to come when they should...seem to be as an afterthought.
thank you for your words...
j.

[Wanda Vergara-Yates]

Lots of ingredients go into the making of great literature. The various ways a reader relates to the literature is a major ingredient. The more ways it speaks, the better it usually is (but not always). For me, the flow and word usage are secondary. However, if the flow and usage stink, the first part falls apart quickly. Put it all together, as was done in this poem, and you have a really nice masterpiece. As in life after the ending of a chapter, I move on wistfully - a piece left behind wishing more came after.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and unfortunately he has passed before being able to write those last pages...thank you for your kind review, Wanda,
j.

[Wanda Vergara-Yates]

oh, now that truly is sad. I think the best poems usually come from events or relationships that stir extreme passions - and are often written to or by thinking of one specific person. Even if the writing is well done, the poem doesn't speak as loudly when a strong emotion is missing from it. Example, my poem "The Seductress" great literary poem, but it's about falling asleep. Really - who cares? I followed all the rules, except the one that requires a tug of the heart. On the other hand, poems that follow no rules except the key one - those have more impact every time. Do both, and you have a true masterpiece. But then, each type has its purpose. I enjoy the back and forth with you and hope to read all of your work in time.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I think some of us as poets...do not cry for ourselves but for others. I have been reading your tears, I think for about a decade now ? :) ...and I don't even know what you ate for lunch or what book you have on your bedside side table. Ive been absent way too long. As always, you are still brilliant!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"Night Moves" by Jonathan Kellerman...
English muffin, today...Thank you, Queenie,
so good to see you again.
j.